IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

36.Differences between countries are becoming less evident. Nowadays, around the world, people can see the same films, fashion, brands, advertisements, and TV channels. To what extent do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

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It is believed that
people
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 who see media around the
world
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 becoming the same at the moment.
This
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 essay will discuss both
Correct article usage
the advantagous
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advantagous
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advantages
advantageous
 and
drawback
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drawbacks
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 of
this
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 tendency. There will be discussed impacts of globalization and the same media information.
To begin
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 with, interest
about
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in
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 updated news
such
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 as fashion, brands, ads and movies is increasing now and
then
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.
And because
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Because
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 of
this
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 residents
every
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of every
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country
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 can
aware
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be aware
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 of
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last
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the latest
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 changes
by
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in
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 social media in the
world
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.
Moreover
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, communication between settlers will be more interesting
due to
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 the same information in the
world
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.
For instance
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, if
people
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 discuss
about
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apply
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a film and share
with
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apply
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their thoughts
of
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about
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 the film, they will be different, and
then
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 interpreting each other's
view
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views
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 will be more exciting.
Thus
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,
people
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 can find for themselves enthusiasm that may do it with passion.
On the other hand
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, globalization is rising rapidly despite of
country
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's development.
In addition
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, it leads to
loss
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the loss
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 of one culture and language,
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this
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 is the most crucial issue around the
world
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.
Also
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, humans' mindsets will be the same, and communication with these
type
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types
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 of
person
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people
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 will be boring.
Therefore
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, seeing the same
movie
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movies
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, TV
chanels
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channels
channel
, ads and fashion will lead to
extinction
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the extinction
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 of one
country
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's culture.
As a result
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,
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country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
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 that
exists
Wrong verb form
have existed
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 over the years will just
lost
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lose
be lost
show examples
 their priceless customs. In conclusion, nowadays
people
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 tend to be more flexible
for
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about
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 different trends (it is
also
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 one of the most spreading around the
world
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), and it is
widespreading
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widespread
 dramatically.
Due
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to
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apply
show examples
drawbacks of
this
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 tendency
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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outweigh
the
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apply
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its benefits.

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task response
Clarify your thesis statement in the introduction. It should directly address the question of whether advantages outweigh disadvantages.
task response
Ensure that all points made in the essay are directly related to the main question. Some points about globalization are not clearly connected to the advantages or disadvantages of media homogeneity.
coherence and cohesion
Work on the flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs. Use linking words and phrases more effectively to guide the reader through your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
In your conclusion, restate your position more clearly and summarize the key points that support your viewpoint.
task response
You provide relevant examples to illustrate your points, such as the discussion about films, which adds to the clarity of your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction outlines the main topic of the essay, giving the reader a sense of what to expect.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • globalization
  • cultural homogenization
  • cross-cultural exchange
  • interconnected global economy
  • multinational corporations
  • cultural dominance
  • economic disparities
  • cultural diversity
  • media proliferation
  • local identities
  • consumer culture
  • cultural erosion
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