IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

You have returned from your vacation staying at a bed and breakfast. When you checked your bank account, you realised you have been charged twice for the deposit. Write a letter to the bed and breakfast host. In your letter: Thank the host for your stay Explain the double deposit charge situation Ask the host for a refund

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Dear Mr. Tom, I am writing to express my satisfaction with my memorable stay at your accommodation. I
also
Linking Words
 noticed my payment was debited twice, so I would appreciate it if the second payment was refunded. The room exceeded my expectations for
such
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 an affordable bed and breakfast,
Moreover
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, I really enjoyed the banana bread served during breakfast with a nice cup of orange juice, would visit again in the future. Unfortunately, I just noticed my bill was debited twice, both on my credit,
as well as
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 my debit card. It happened that, I first paid with my credit account but the payment didn’t drop until the
last
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 day of my stay, so I paid again with my debit card. So verify
this
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 with your bank and process the refund. Try using wire transfer since it is faster. My bank details are from Canada Bank, my account number is 777777777 and the account name is
Eby
Use synonyms
Eby
Use synonyms
. You can reach me on 333333333 in case of
further
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 clarification. Thank you for your hospitality. Yours Sincerely,
Eby
Use synonyms
Eby
Use synonyms
.

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tone
Maintain a polite and calm tone throughout your letter, which you've done well. However, ensure the tone remains consistent, especially when dealing with issues such as overcharges.
introduction
Introduce your letter with a brief overview of its purpose. While your introduction was polite and appreciative, make it slightly more straightforward about the issue at hand for clarity.
paragraphing
Clearly paragraph your letter to separate different ideas or sections. Your letter generally does this well, but ensure each paragraph focuses on a single idea or request for better clarity and impact.
details
When detailing the issue or making requests, make sure to be as specific and clear as possible. While you've mentioned the problem and provided banking details, it could be helpful to include any evidence or documentation that supports your claim.
closing
Before closing, consider summarizing your main request or expectation. This can help reinforce your message and clarify what you hope to achieve with your letter.
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