IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that the government should fund arts, while others think it is not the government’s responsibility. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Nowadays nations think that arts should be funded by the state, but other people have the opposite point of view. To my mind, both of them have the right to their opinion. The issue arises from a multitude of contributing factors, all of which play a critical role in its complexity.
This
Linking Words
 essay will explore the positive and negative factors of
this
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 problem. At first glance,
art
Use synonyms
 should develop independently from the financial situation in the country. It is a first cause,
therefore
Linking Words
 the government should contribute financially. I believe that investments provided by the authorities should be more significant than from people paying for the facilities.
Because national
Correct word choice
National
show examples
art
Use synonyms
 is an essential part of culture which plays an important role
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the international arena.
On the other hand
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, the governments of countries have more urgent problems than
art
Use synonyms
 and they should solve them first.
For example
Linking Words
, education, medicine, transportation and other important issues. Because if a country has financial problems the government should separate vital issues from common ones.
Moreover
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, if
this
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 money is necessary for crucial tasks. I think
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 that sponsors and donates would resolve
this
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 problem. Every country has a huge amount of affluent people who can change
this
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 situation. I acknowledge that rich individuals want to receive benefits from their support. But the administration should develop some agreements or offers.
Finally
Linking Words
, I would like to summarize that the problem with funding for
art
Use synonyms
 should be solved because it is particularly important to national development.

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task achievement
The introduction should clearly outline both perspectives more distinctly, and a stronger thesis statement could help guide the reader through the essay.
task achievement
More detailed examples and explanations for each viewpoint would strengthen your arguments and make them more convincing.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your paragraphs clearly transition from one idea to the next, using linking phrases to improve the flow of your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Consider elaborating on your conclusion to summarize the key points discussed in the essay and restate your opinion more clearly.
task achievement
The essay addresses the topic and presents both views, showcasing an understanding of the complexity of the issue.
coherence and cohesion
Your writing style is generally clear and aims to engage the reader with a thoughtful discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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