Some people believe that government funding for the arts (such as music, theater, and visual arts) is a waste of money and that it should be spent on more important areas like education and healthcare. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In today’s non-stop growth of society, an intelligent distribution of funds by the government
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needs to be done as the population requirements of healthcare, education, and recreational activities are a cornerstone to improve vital areas
such
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as the physical and psychological,
in other words
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, achieve a sense of well-being.
However
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, some people believe that the support from the state of artistical pastimes is a waste of money;
instead
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, it should focus more on healthcare and education, since these aspects are more elemental for the public. From my point of view, I partially agree with the stated notion, because not only should authorities spend money on health and schools, but
also
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they should dedicate a portion of funding to implementing artistic projects for the population. On the one hand, the nation uses vital services
such
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as hospitals and schools that allow the community to experience well-being and security.
For instance
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, many hospitals are offering a variety of medical procedures
such
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as deliveries, vaccinations, hospitalization, and high-level attention.
In addition
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, pupils
also
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need plenty of material and infrastructure resources,
such
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as books, textbooks, classrooms, and computers to guarantee a strong instilled knowledge. By fulfilling these requirements, kids and families will thrive and could contribute to the world.
On the other hand
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, I assume that fomenting arts to the population is not vital if crowds do not first enjoy a decent lifestyle, with the most essential needs.
Nevertheless
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, artistical expressions could be beneficial for the community as a recreational activity or hobby, since they can focus on these,
instead
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of unmindful activities
such
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as
perpetuation
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the perpetuation
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of vandalism, robbery or
another kind
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other kinds
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of immoral actions.
For example
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, recently, the local authority of my village
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showed the latest crime
statisticts
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statistics
after fomenting a variety of outdoor diversions
such
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as sports and artistic expressions. The results
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indicated a significant low in crime percentage which is, definitely, an achievement.
To conclude
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, not only does society need health and education to thrive in
this
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world, but
also
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the arts are a cornerstone to
fulfil
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fulfilling
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a sense of well-being. For that reason, the state should support
this
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field only when the basic services are completed.

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task achievement
Consider providing a clearer thesis statement in your introduction to explicitly outline your stance on the issue. This will guide the reader more effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences could be simplified for clarity. For example, splitting complex sentences into shorter ones might improve readability.
task achievement
Ensure all your examples are accurate and clearly presented; this will strengthen your argument and make it more relatable.
task achievement
You present a balanced view by acknowledging both sides of the argument, which is an essential skill in argumentative writing.
task achievement
Your use of examples to illustrate points enhances the persuasiveness of your argument, which is highly commendable.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and reinforces your overall message, providing a clear wrap-up to your essay.
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