IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that art subjects such as painting or drawing should not be made compulsory for high school students. To what extent do you agree or disagree? (Education)

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It is argued that
people
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 should not make
arts
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 a significant high
school
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 subject.
This
Linking Words
 essay strongly disagrees, because
art
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 is the creativity for young
people
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 and many children have some
talent
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 in
arts
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.
Art
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 is an important subject in high
school
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 and
people
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 should give some care for it
,
Remove the comma
apply
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because the only subject that represents creativity on the planet is
art
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.
Art
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is
Wrong verb form
has been
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 an important
subjects
Change the noun form
subject
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since
Change preposition
for
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 ages
ago
Rephrase
apply
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because many
people
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 love designing,music, drawing, and painting. We see a lot of
people
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 who are creative in
this
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 field who
loves
Correct subject-verb agreement
love
show examples
 to show
art
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 is one of the greatest fields in the world.
For example
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, Omar Basaedi
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
went to high
school
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 and
he
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
took some painting subjects in in Yemen. When he graduated, he became one of the most famous in his country. Another reason why
art
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 should be
complusory
Correct your spelling
compulsory
 in high ,
many
Correct word choice
that many
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 young
people
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discovered
Wrong verb form
discover
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 their
talent
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 in
art
Use synonyms
Change preposition
at in
show examples
in
Correct your spelling
an
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 early age. So they want to improve their
talent
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, to
evoluate
Correct your spelling
evaluate
 the
talent
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 they should go to high
school
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 to take the subjects that they to develop them in
arts
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.
For example
Linking Words
, Husni
Mubark
Correct your spelling
Mubarak
 who is a Saudi singer, when he was
child
Add an article
a child
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he
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
his dream was to be
singer
Add an article
a singer
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, he needed to improve his voice to become a singer so he
wnet
Correct your spelling
went
 to high
school
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 to
practice
Correct your spelling
practise
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 singing 3 years later he became one of the best singers in his nation. In conclusion,
art
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 is an important field in high
school
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 in order,
students
Change preposition
for students
show examples
 can develop their
talent
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. And high
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school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
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 should support students to study
arts
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,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because
art
Use synonyms
 is an interesting field.

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task achievement
Ensure that your thesis statement clearly indicates your position on the topic and outlines the main points you will discuss.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the logical progression of ideas between sentences and paragraphs to make your argument more fluid.
coherence and cohesion
Use a wider range of vocabulary and check for spelling errors to enhance readability.
task achievement
You provided some examples of individuals who pursued art, which helps to support your main argument.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction presents a clear stance on the topic, which is important for guiding your reader.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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