IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people in poor countries die from diseases that are curable because they cannot afford the medication required. Do you believe that drug companies should make their products available at reduced prices in these countries? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

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In today's world,
Due to
Linking Words
 the lack of wealth and improper medical facilities people are dying because of the diseases for which the vaccine is available,
This
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 essay, disagrees with
this
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 statement because providing the medicine at
a lower prices
Correct the article-noun agreement
lower prices
a lower price
show examples
 is not a solution to eradicate that disease completely.
Firstly
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, In most of the poor
countries
Add a comma
countries,
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 the population is so high that minimizing the cost of drugs will
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
 the
overall
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 functioning of that company. Profit is the only way through which these organizations spend money on research to study and find
cure
Fix the agreement mistake
cures
show examples
 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
new diseases. Unfortunately, if
that is
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 reduced the 'Doctors' or 'Scientists' working there cannot get
required
Correct article usage
the required
show examples
 resources, machinery and facilities to get work.
For example
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, During the time '
COVID-19
Change preposition
Of COVID-19
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' , Only those companies
are
Verb problem
that were
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 able to make the vaccine
who have
Wrong verb form
had
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 better turnover from their sales. The vaccine '
Astrazeneca
Correct your spelling
AstraZeneca
' was introduced to the world by the richest laboratory in south
asia
Change the capitalization
Asia
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 called
as
Change preposition
apply
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'Dr. Reddy's'
Furthermore
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,
There
Fix capitalization
there
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 are many other reasons
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
which
Correct word choice
why
show examples
 people get sick in these countries.
Like economic
Change preposition
Economic
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 factors
plays
Change the verb form
play
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 an important in the lifestyle of their citizens. If the country's government provides free education and
support
Correct subject-verb agreement
supports
show examples
 them to get a proper job
then
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 the people are less likely to get that problem.
For instance
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,
According to
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 some
research
Add a comma
research,
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 35% of children born in
africa
Change the capitalization
Africa
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dies
Correct subject-verb agreement
die
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 by the age of 5, because of the disease called 'scurvy' which happens
due to
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 malnutrition.
Therefore
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, Concentrating on the root cause is extremely important to tackle
this
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 problem.
To conclude
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, it is better for backward nations to get
assitance
Correct your spelling
assistance
 from other nations
for improving
Change preposition
to improve
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 their economy. By providing medicine they can only cure some individuals.
Whereas
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,
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
focusing and working towards
exact
Correct article usage
the exact
show examples
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 can be helpful in eliminating the disease completely.

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task achievement
Ensure that your introduction clearly states your position and outlines your main arguments. This will provide a clearer roadmap for your reader.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words and phrases to improve the coherence and flow of your essay. This will help to connect your ideas more smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Consider restructuring your paragraphs to strengthen the main points. Each paragraph should ideally focus on one main idea that supports your overall argument.
task achievement
You have identified key issues related to disease and economy, demonstrating an understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Some examples provided, such as the COVID-19 vaccine, show real-world relevance to your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Pharmaceuticals
  • Generic drugs
  • Patent laws
  • Healthcare disparity
  • Subsidies
  • Non-Governmental Organizations (NGOs)
  • Intellectual property
  • Epidemiology
  • Affordability
  • Global health initiatives
  • Corporate social responsibility
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