The only way to reduce the amount of traffic in cities today is by reducing the need for people to travel from home for work, education or shopping. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Undoubtedly, overcrowded
traffic
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in urban areas is a widely concerning issue.
While
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some people are convinced that cutting down the need to
travel
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for work, education, and shopping is the sole way to alleviate the problem, I am strongly opposed to
this
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argument, and the reasons will be thoroughly elaborated on as follows. Even if there is no need to
travel
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for the given intentions, people will still rely heavily on personal vehicles or mass transportation, which causes cities to be crowded.
This
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is simply because individuals in society put great emphasis on entertainment, they
travel
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to various tourist attractions in cities to experience different cultures or purely make friends with diverse backgrounds to broaden their horizons rather than shopping for local handicrafts.
For instance
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, I like to visit Taipei 101 on weekends, as different music bands are invited to perform at the main entrance every day, which offers me good opportunities to appreciate their artwork freely.
Therefore
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, if the time I have to allocate to
travel
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for work, education, or shopping becomes less, I will transform it into free entertainment purposes, which means that the amount of
traffic
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will be unchanged. Another factor is that
traffic
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problems
due to
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celebrations for special events are ignored. We can easily imagine a scenario in which citizens gather together around a well-known landscape in cities, like Taipei 101 or the London Eye, to cheer for the upcoming New Year on the night of December 31.
This
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traditional custom worldwide poses a serious threat to
traffic
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jams despite the decreasing need for work, education, or shopping. In conclusion, based on the aforementioned, I totally disagree with the idea of the given policy, because daily entertainment and celebrating holidays both play a crucial role in
travel
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demand.

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task achievement
Consider adding more specific examples and evidence to support your arguments. This will strengthen your points and make them more convincing.
coherence and cohesion
Try to enhance the flow between paragraphs. Using cohesive devices more effectively can help connect your ideas and improve coherence.
task achievement
Elaborate further on your points in the body paragraphs to give a more in-depth exploration of your ideas.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your position and previews the main points of the essay, setting a strong foundation for the argument.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples from your personal experiences, which helps to illustrate your points effectively.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Commuting patterns
  • Remote work
  • Telecommuting
  • E-learning platforms
  • E-commerce
  • Urban planning
  • Public transportation
  • Infrastructure development
  • Green spaces
  • Pedestrianization
  • Carbon footprint
  • Sustainable living
  • Carpooling
  • Cycle lanes
  • Mixed-use development
  • Teleconference
  • Urban sprawl
  • Zoning regulations
  • Traffic congestion
  • City logistics
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