IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people think that increasing business and cultural contacts between countries is a positive development. However, others believe that these are leading to the loss of national identities. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

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There is a heated argument between the society based upon their ideology on
economical
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economic
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 and social connections among nations as it results positively in economic growth and
adversly
Correct your spelling
adversely
 it results damaging the domestic identity. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, we will discuss both
the
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apply
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sides and conclude our opinion. On
first
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the first
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 side of
coin
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the coin
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, Collaboration across the
varies
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various
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 fields of our community will increase the
overall
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quality
Use synonyms
 of life and provide better
oppurtunities
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opportunities
. No one can be
master
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a master
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 of
specific
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a specific
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 field so
collabariting
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the collaborative
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 approach provides excellence by sharing knowledge from various partners. As we can see, India and Russia are excelling in
field
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the field
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 of Nuclear technology which independently is not feasible in
such
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 sort of time. Joint ventures
also
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results
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result
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 in
reduction
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a reduction
the reduction
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 of
overall
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 cost and higher productivity by sharing
assests
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assets
 and manpower. The
overall
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 wealth of
nation
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a nation
show examples
is depend
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depends
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of
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on
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 global investments, Import and export of goods which can be improved by working together.
For example
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, America and Canada are collaborating in multiple sectors field which enables us to provide cheaper and good
quality
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 products. Immigration
for seeking
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to seek
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good
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a good
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quality
Use synonyms
 of life or education is
also
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 increasing social bonds in different nationalities which
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
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 us chance to understand different cultures. Living in
Correct article usage
a multi-cultural
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multi-cultural
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multicultural
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enviornment
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environment
 provides you lot of benefits like you can enjoy
lot
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a lot
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 of festivals,
cloths
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clothes
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 or foods which might give you
unique
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a unique
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 experience. On
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 side of
coin
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the coin
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, an industrial and community reunification between countries may lead to our cultural or regional identities. Global multi-national companies may take over our businesses and start ruling us in future. Our local market production can be
obseloted
Correct your spelling
observed
 with the time
due to
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 availability of high
quality
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 from overseas. Even migrated people
are came
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are coming
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 from other
ethenicity
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ethnicity
 and might try
interfare
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interfere
interface
 in our social lives which will reshape our social and religious values. For
a
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apply
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instance, Canada is
perfect
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a perfect
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 case where
there
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their
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 economy and society
is
Verb problem
have
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 totally changed in
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
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 two decades. There is no doubt that there are great chances
of
Change preposition
that
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 industrialisation and sociological reforms will happen after globalisation in the world, but there are more positive effects on our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 than negative ones. In my opinion, national identities
are depends
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depend
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 upon residents and government policies so if they are well structured and placed in society
then
Linking Words
 there should not be any significant impact observed in
long
Correct article usage
the long
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 run, global partnerships are essential and work like a bridge for positive development.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction and summarize it in the conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Try to improve the logical flow between paragraphs by using more linking words and phrases.
task achievement
Ensure to elaborate on your examples for clarity and relevance to the argument.
content
The essay presents a balanced discussion by acknowledging both sides of the argument.
content
You provided relevant examples to support your points, such as the collaboration between India and Russia.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • globalization
  • economic growth
  • living standards
  • cultural understanding
  • homogenization
  • national identities
  • preservation
  • cultural heritage
  • balancing
  • embrace
  • opportunities
  • respecting
What to do next:
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