IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

These days more fathers stay at home and take care of their children while mothers go out to work. What could be reason for this? Do you think it is positive or negative development?

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Nowadays,
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 number of fathers take
responcibility
Correct your spelling
responsibility
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their
children
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
Use synonyms
mother
Add an article
the mother
show examples
 takes
finacial responcibility
Correct your spelling
financial responsibility
 to go out
Use synonyms
work
Change preposition
of work
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will explain the reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
Linking Words
 because people
aware
Add a missing verb
are aware
show examples
 of equality and
Use synonyms
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 needs both p[arentshood.
Firstly
Linking Words
, people are living in
twenty
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
first
Correct word choice
twenty-first
show examples
 century
thay
Verb problem
and are
show examples
 aware of rights consiquencly men and
women
Use synonyms
takes
Change the verb form
take
show examples
 all
responcibilty
Correct your spelling
responsibility
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
equally.
Women
Use synonyms
 have been taking education for
selfdevelopment
Correct your spelling
self-development
self development
.
Women
Use synonyms
takes
Change the verb form
take
show examples
 education
do
Correct word choice
and do
show examples
 hard
work
Use synonyms
tha's
Correct your spelling
that's
 why they
gets
Change the verb form
get
show examples
Add an article
the job
a job
show examples
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
. In
additon
Correct your spelling
addition
,
family's
Change noun form
families
show examples
 are suffering
for
Change preposition
from
show examples
finacial
Correct your spelling
financial
 things and it is
need
Correct article usage
a need
show examples
 of family to men and
women
Use synonyms
do
Fix the infinitive
to do
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 as a
results
Fix the agreement mistake
result
show examples
women
Use synonyms
 can not available at home so
Use synonyms
father
Correct article usage
the father
show examples
 should
takes
Change the verb form
take
show examples
 care of
Use synonyms
children
Correct article usage
the children
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, my family have been living in
pune
Change the capitalization
Pune
show examples
 for 10 years. The reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 my job I should live in
mumbai
Change the capitalization
Mumbai
show examples
while
Linking Words
 my husband takes care of my
doughter
Correct your spelling
daughter
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, only
Use synonyms
mother
Correct article usage
the mother
show examples
 can take good parenting, she is the one
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
member
how
Correct word choice
who
show examples
 takes
whole
Correct article usage
the whole
show examples
 family's
responcibilty
Correct your spelling
responsibility
,
aport
Correct your spelling
apart
show examples
 from
this
Linking Words
statements
Fix the agreement mistake
statement
show examples
,
children
Use synonyms
 have both parenthood.
Children
Use synonyms
 need
Use synonyms
mother
Correct article usage
a mother
show examples
as well as
Linking Words
Use synonyms
father
Correct article usage
a father
show examples
 they
also
Linking Words
 need
Use synonyms
father's
Correct article usage
a father's
show examples
 care. When
Use synonyms
father
Correct article usage
the father
show examples
spent
Wrong verb form
spends
show examples
 time with
Correct article usage
the childeren
show examples
childeren
Correct your spelling
children
Linking Words
then
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
 realation
become
Correct subject-verb agreement
becomes
show examples
 strong between
father
Use synonyms
 and
children
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, when
Use synonyms
mother
Correct article usage
a mother
show examples
 and
father
Use synonyms
 attach
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
children
Use synonyms
consequently
Linking Words
father
Use synonyms
 can observe their
live
Replace the word
lives
show examples
 which
be help
Wrong verb form
helps
show examples
 to control
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 pros and cons.
To conclude
Linking Words
, people would like to take
responcibilty
Correct your spelling
responsibility
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their child and
women
Use synonyms
 prefer to
out side
Correct your spelling
outside
show examples
work
Use synonyms
. I believe that it is the change of awareness
tha
Correct your spelling
that
 we all
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 equal and
children
Use synonyms
 want both
attachment
Change to a plural noun
attachments
show examples
 about them.

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coherence and cohesion
Try to clearly define your main points in your introduction and ensure that each paragraph addresses those points directly.
task achievement
Pay attention to grammar and spelling, as these can impact the clarity of your ideas. Consider proofreading your work or using tools to check for errors.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to support your points. Instead of general statements, provide detailed instances that illustrate your arguments.
content
You have addressed an important contemporary issue regarding gender roles in parenting.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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