IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other.

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There is a long-standing debate regarding
time
Correct article usage
the time
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 and place one should indulge in a
competition
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. Some argue that it would be beneficial to keep
ones
Fix the agreement mistake
one
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 motivated,
while
Linking Words
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
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 believe each place
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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a
Remove the article
apply
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its usage of its own. Challenging yourself to achieve some particular goal at
work
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 or school could give added value to a person’s life. A study from WHO showed that 80% of people are healthy
due to
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 activities they do outside of the house, statistics showed,
those
Correct word choice
that those
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 activities are held at offices,
school
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schools
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, gyms, etc.
Additionally
Linking Words
, being involved in a
competition
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 can
also
Linking Words
 improve a person’s way of thinking. Meanwhile, rather than competing, others opt for collaborating to reduce and
further
Linking Words
 improve efficiency. A Happiness Index Ratio Research by UNICEF proved that achieving types of
work
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 together would have more beneficial
result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
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 for the receivers.
In addition
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, there
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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also
Linking Words
 no added stress or unnecessary feeling of worry from others.
To sum up
Linking Words
, there are two views about indulging in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
competition
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 at
work
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: some believe in
competition
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,
some
Correct word choice
and some
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 like to cooperate. I opt for collaborating at
work
Use synonyms
 because it’s believed to improve efficiency and reduce stress and unnecessary feeling

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Task Response
Consider clarifying the thesis statement in the introduction to make it more explicit regarding your viewpoint.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence that reflects the main idea.
Task Response
Try to integrate more examples directly related to your points to enhance clarity and depth.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on refining the conclusions to encapsulate the main ideas more effectively.
Task Response
The essay addresses both sides of the argument, demonstrating an understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
What to do next:
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