IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that the increasing number of vehicles is one of the problems facing cities, while others believe that cities have bigge challenge . Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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These days, with the influential impacts of transport , some argue that increasing transportation is the biggest dispute in
centre
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the centre
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.
While
Linking Words
 there may be valid arguments to the contrary. My essay
tents
Correct your spelling
tends
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 to dwell upon both views.
To begin
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 with,
a
Correct article usage
the
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 number of freight is increasing
day
Use synonyms
 by
day
Use synonyms
 because of better lifestyles and era management . Whenever communities have their own transport, they easily manage their
day
Use synonyms
 and move from one place to another.
However
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,
this
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is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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not only affects the environment but
also
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 affects public health.
Beside
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Besides
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, parking is a major issue at
this
Linking Words
 moment because the community cannot easily find the automobile space downtown, society will face
this
Linking Words
 issue when they drive movement.
For example
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, the community will park their car at the loading zone or no stop zone and they will get a fine ticket.
On the other hand
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,
however
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, increasing transport is the biggest challenge. Because automobile
space
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spaces
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 are fewer, and parking tickets are getting more expensive.
For instance
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, the officer who drives their ride and
park
Fix the agreement mistake
parks
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 in the building for a few hours will cost them
higher
Rephrase
more
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.
Also
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,
community
Add an article
the community
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 will spend a lot of hours on the road in the peak times because everyone goes home after office hours. These will cause a few of the public mental stress , and fatigue and reduce the spent moment with their families or kids. Restaurants which are open in the cities
also
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 face the same
complication
Fix the agreement mistake
complications
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 as increasing the number of vehicles and leading to traffic, so some of the family will choose to
having
Wrong verb form
have
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 their meals
to
Change preposition
in
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a different areas
Correct the article-noun agreement
different areas
a different area
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instead
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 of going to cities. To recapitulate, Increasing the number of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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freight is a vast trouble because of imposing lifestyle and
day
Use synonyms
 management .
However
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 , communities should be aware of the positive sides of walking and using eco-friendly transportation like bicycles
instead
Linking Words
 of
car
Fix the agreement mistake
cars
show examples
 for
comute
Correct your spelling
commuting
.

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task achievement
The essay addresses the task and presents both views, but it could benefit from a clearer argument and synthesis of ideas. Make sure to elaborate on your own opinion in the conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that ideas flow logically from one to another. Using more linking words and clearer topic sentences can help improve coherence throughout your essay.
task achievement
While you provide examples, some are vague and lack clarity. Be specific in your examples to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates an understanding of the topic and presents both sides of the argument.
task achievement
The attempt to include real-world implications of increased vehicles, such as public health and traffic issues, is commendable.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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