IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

some people believe that fast food is harmful to our health and should be regulated by the government. Others argue that people should have the freedom to eat whatever they want. - Disscuss both view and give your own opinion. - Give reasons and examples to support your answer.

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Fast
food
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 has become a popular choice for many
people
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, but it's often criticized for its negative health effects. Some believe that the
government
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 should regulate fast
food
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 to protect public health,
while
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 others argue that individuals should have the freedom to make their own
food
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 choices. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both perspectives and explain my opinion. Fast
food
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 is high in sugar, saturated fat, and artificial additives, which can lead to health problems
such
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 as obesity, diabetes, and heart disease. Many
people
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 consume fast
food
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 regularly
,
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apply
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 because it's cheap and convenient. But that may fully understand its risks. If the
government
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 regulates fast
food
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 by limiting unhealthy ingredients or requiring clear nutritional labels,
people
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 may make better dietary choices.
On the other hand
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, some argue that
people
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 should have the right to eat whatever they want. Not all fast
food
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 is unhealthy.
For example
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, a hamburger contains protein and vegetables, making it a balanced meal when consumed in moderation.
Instead
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 of
government
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 regulations, individuals should take responsibility for their diet by choosing healthier options,
such
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 as diet soda
instead
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 of regular soda. In my opinion, fast
food
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 can be harmful if eaten excessively, but
government
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 intervention is not the best solution.
Instead
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,
people
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 should focus on maintaining a balanced diet by consuming a variety of nutrients, including protein, fat, and carbohydrates. Education about healthy eating habits is more effective than strict regulations.

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task achievement
Consider expanding on the points made, especially regarding the potential health impacts of fast food and the arguments for personal freedom.
coherence and cohesion
You might want to improve coherence by using more linking words and phrases to guide the reader through your arguments.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to reinforce your points, such as statistical data or studies relating to fast food consumption and health outcomes.
task achievement
Clear introduction and presentation of both viewpoints are well done, making the essay easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Your opinion is presented clearly at the end, which reinforces your stance on the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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