IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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There is no denying the fact that the main purpose of
competition
Use synonyms
 is arguable.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that
competition
Use synonyms
 should provide a better chance, there is
also
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 an argument that a cooperative can be rather than
competition
Use synonyms
.
This
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 essay will analyse
this
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 topic from both points of view and express my opinion. On the one hand,
competition
Use synonyms
 has a
instinction
Correct your spelling
distinction
instinctive
instruction
 in
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
.
In other
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words
Add a comma
words,
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 it can be to get
a good work
Remove the article
good work
a good job
show examples
 for you rather than you without
job
Add an article
a job
show examples
 or
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
 a little of salary.
In addition
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, it may release a serotonin hormone that makes you happy.
For example
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, a study published in New York University in 2013 concluded that 90% of those who used a
competition
Use synonyms
 in daily life.
On the other hand
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, some people
an argument
Wrong verb form
argue
show examples
 the
compotition
Correct your spelling
competition
composition
 because that may
be caused
Wrong verb form
cause
show examples
 a big complication between the students and people. It is
also
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 possible to say that, it can
causes
Change the verb form
cause
show examples
 a selfish
between
Change preposition
among
show examples
 the
teams
Fix the agreement mistake
team
show examples
 in the work.
Moreover
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cooperation
in
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
 crucial in society because it leads to development and
important
Add a missing verb
is important
show examples
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
bussinese
Correct your spelling
business
businesses
. In conclusion, there are no easy answers to
this
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 question. On balance,
however
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,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 tend to believe that
cooperative
Replace the word
cooperation
show examples
 is important in our lives.

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introduction
The introduction is somewhat clear but could be more engaging. Clearly state your thesis and outline the main points you'll discuss.
conclusion
The conclusion repeats the introduction too closely; aim for a summary that emphasizes your stance more strongly.
content
Work on clarity and correctness in your supporting arguments. Certain sentences are confusing or lack proper structure.
examples
Use more concrete examples and provide context to your points to strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both views and expressing a personal opinion, which is important for task achievement.
content
You've made an attempt to include evidence and examples, which is commendable. Strengthening them will improve your score.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
What to do next:
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