IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

The average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness is decreasing. What do you think are the causes of this and suggest some remedies to solve the problem.

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In my opinion, regarding
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people's health and
Correct article usage
the
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enormous decrease in fitness
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
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, the main reason can be seen as
drastically
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a drastic
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 change in the community. Year after year people are becoming lazy. Since they are becoming lazy, they are not doing any exercise or anything that may help them to reduce weight, or become healthier they don't before.
On the other hand
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, it's not fair to only blame people for
this
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 issue. The second reason is, that we are going against Mother Nature and
this
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 war has given some consequences towards humanity. Poisoning earth with chemicals, air and water pollution
are
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is
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 making us sick through food. Those are the main reasons for me. To solve
this
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 problem, we need to address the issue correctly at first. I will share a few solutions that may help below; -Collaboration with national organizations, encouraging folks to do sports activities,
such
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 as tracking, swimming, and hiking with
win-win
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a win-win
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 & prize perspective. -National advertisements for awareness about pollution and how to take individual actions. -Implementing monthly audits of the main top 5 companies working in the food industry. -With the help of government, national televisions can be supported regarding fitness
,
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 and health programmes. In conclusion, if the community doesn't gain awareness of the danger, the downfall of humanity will be inevitable.

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Task Achievement
Consider providing more detailed explanations for your points and ensuring each argument is fully developed with examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on the transitions between sentences and paragraphs to improve the flow of ideas. Consider using linking words such as 'furthermore', 'however', or 'on the other hand'.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to vary your vocabulary and sentence structures to make your writing more engaging and sophisticated.
Task Achievement
The essay addresses a relevant topic and presents both causes and solutions, showing an understanding of the task.
Task Achievement
The inclusion of specific solutions adds value to your response and shows a proactive approach to the problem.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary
  • obesity
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • physical activity
  • exercise
  • unhealthy eating habits
  • fast food
  • processed foods
  • nutrition
  • balanced diet
  • portion control
  • junk food
  • convenience food
  • nutrient-rich
  • calorie intake
  • awareness
  • education
  • stress
  • busy lifestyle
  • fitness
  • health
  • well-being
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