IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The line graph provides key information about the
number
Use synonyms
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
how
Correct word choice
who
show examples
 did different activities in Australia and Melbourne between 2000 to 2020.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clear from the graph that the film club
was
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 the
common
Correct quantifier usage
most common
show examples
 in Australia and Melbourne.
In
Linking Words
addition
Add a comma
addition,
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
table tennis and musical performances show a considerable rise in the
number
Use synonyms
participants
Change preposition
of participants
show examples
,
whereas
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
amateur dramatics
was
Verb problem
showed
show examples
 a gradual drop in the rate of people.
According to
Linking Words
 what is shown, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people who
apply
Wrong verb form
applied
show examples
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 film
club
Fix the agreement mistake
clubs
show examples
 was almost 62 from 2000 to 2005
than
Correct your spelling
then
show examples
 it dropped to 60 in 2010 and started
considerably
Change preposition
to considerably
show examples
rise
Verb problem
apply
show examples
about 70. The percentage of table tennis
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
 2000 to 2010 was almost between 18 to 20
than
Correct your spelling
then
show examples
 it
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
sharply rose
almost
Change preposition
to almost
show examples
 52. Music performance
shows
Wrong verb form
shown
show examples
 in
graph
Add an article
the graph
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
gradually
increase
Change the verb form
increases
show examples
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 almost 15 during
lost
Correct article usage
the lost
show examples
 15 years. In terms of, the propration of martial arts was fluctuated with almost 38 to 40. The
number
Use synonyms
 of participants
was dramatic
Wrong verb form
dramatically
show examples
drop
Wrong verb form
dropped
show examples
 from 30 to 10 between 2005 to 2020.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Replace the words number with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "show" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "drop" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "gradual" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "considerable" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • participation rates
  • trends
  • significant increases/decreases
  • stable numbers
  • fluctuations
  • overall participation
  • comparison
  • activities
  • social centre
  • Melbourne
  • participants
  • highlight
  • report
  • graph illustrates/demonstrates
  • 20-year period
  • key features
  • main features
  • statistical data
  • variations
What to do next:
Look at other essays: