Some people believe that maintaining a healthy work-life balance is essential for a happy life. Others think focusing on career success is more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion. #people #work-life

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People have different views about occasion and

life

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. It results in an ongoing debate over whether sustaining a stable

work

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life

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balance or concentrating on professional commitment is essential.

This

Linking Words

essay intends to discuss both views before presenting my own opinion. Achieving a balance between

work

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and personal

life

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is crucial for maintaining both mental and physical well-being.

Firstly

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, adequate rest after long working hours can significantly reduce stress and anxiety, lowering the risk of cardiovascular diseases.

Furthermore

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, spending quality time with family and friends strengthens personal relationships, creating a supportive social network that enhances

overall

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happiness. Engaging in leisure activities

also

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allows individuals to recharge, improving their energy levels and creativity upon returning to

work

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. Employees who maintain a balanced

life

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are more likely to stay motivated, maintain high morale, and experience lower absenteeism, all of which contribute to better

work

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performance.

On the other hand

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, many individuals believe that focusing on

career

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success is essential for a prosperous

life

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. One significant advantage is the potential for financial stability. People who prioritize their careers may earn higher incomes, providing them with greater financial security.

Moreover

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career

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progression often involves networking, which can lead to valuable professional connections that benefit both

work

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and personal

life

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Lastly

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, achieving

career

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milestones boosts confidence, empowering individuals to take on greater challenges and responsibilities. For many,

career

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success is a key driver of personal fulfilment. In conclusion,

while

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a healthy

work

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life

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balance is essential for

overall

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well-being,

career

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success can provide financial stability and personal growth.

However

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, I believe that personal well-being should take precedence, as it forms the foundation for a fulfilling

career

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and

life

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in general.

lethithut123Thu Feb 06 2025

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Task Achievement

While your arguments are clear, including more specific examples to illustrate your points could strengthen the overall effectiveness of your essay. For instance, you could provide a real-life example of someone who achieved work-life balance or a case study of a successful professional who prioritized their career.

Coherence and Cohesion

Although your essay has a logical structure, transitions between some ideas could be smoother. Try using more varied linking phrases to enhance the flow from one paragraph to another, helping the reader follow your argument more easily.

Coherence and Cohesion

Your introduction effectively outlines the topic and clearly states your intent to discuss both viewpoints before presenting your own opinion. This sets a good stage for your essay.

Task Achievement

You have provided a balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument, which reflects good understanding and insight into the topic. This adds depth to your analysis.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

273 words

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Some people believe that maintaining a healthy work-life balance is essential for a happy life. Others think focusing on career success is more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion. #people #work-life

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

childhood obesity has become more and more popular.

Money spent on space exploration is a complete waste. Governments could better spend this money on other things to benefit the nation. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The youth in many countries are unemployed and unskilled, while at the same time, the military services are in need of people. Compulsory military service is beneficial and necessary. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?