Some people believe that maintaining a healthy work-life balance is essential for a happy life. Others think focusing on career success is more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion. #people #work-life

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
People have different views about occasion and
life
Use synonyms
. It results in an ongoing debate over whether sustaining a stable
work
Use synonyms
-
life
Use synonyms
balance or concentrating on professional commitment is essential.
This
Linking Words
essay intends to discuss both views before presenting my own opinion. Achieving a balance between
work
Use synonyms
and personal
life
Use synonyms
is crucial for maintaining both mental and physical well-being.
Firstly
Linking Words
, adequate rest after long working hours can significantly reduce stress and anxiety, lowering the risk of cardiovascular diseases.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, spending quality time with family and friends strengthens personal relationships, creating a supportive social network that enhances
overall
Linking Words
happiness. Engaging in leisure activities
also
Linking Words
allows individuals to recharge, improving their energy levels and creativity upon returning to
work
Use synonyms
. Employees who maintain a balanced
life
Use synonyms
are more likely to stay motivated, maintain high morale, and experience lower absenteeism, all of which contribute to better
work
Use synonyms
performance.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, many individuals believe that focusing on
career
Use synonyms
success is essential for a prosperous
life
Use synonyms
. One significant advantage is the potential for financial stability. People who prioritize their careers may earn higher incomes, providing them with greater financial security.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
career
Use synonyms
progression often involves networking, which can lead to valuable professional connections that benefit both
work
Use synonyms
and personal
life
Use synonyms
.
Lastly
Linking Words
, achieving
career
Use synonyms
milestones boosts confidence, empowering individuals to take on greater challenges and responsibilities. For many,
career
Use synonyms
success is a key driver of personal fulfilment. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
a healthy
work
Use synonyms
-
life
Use synonyms
balance is essential for
overall
Linking Words
well-being,
career
Use synonyms
success can provide financial stability and personal growth.
However
Linking Words
, I believe that personal well-being should take precedence, as it forms the foundation for a fulfilling
career
Use synonyms
and
life
Use synonyms
in general.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
While your arguments are clear, including more specific examples to illustrate your points could strengthen the overall effectiveness of your essay. For instance, you could provide a real-life example of someone who achieved work-life balance or a case study of a successful professional who prioritized their career.
Coherence and Cohesion
Although your essay has a logical structure, transitions between some ideas could be smoother. Try using more varied linking phrases to enhance the flow from one paragraph to another, helping the reader follow your argument more easily.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction effectively outlines the topic and clearly states your intent to discuss both viewpoints before presenting your own opinion. This sets a good stage for your essay.
Task Achievement
You have provided a balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument, which reflects good understanding and insight into the topic. This adds depth to your analysis.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: