As compared to the past, children these days spend more of their leisure time indoors with computers and TV and less time outdoors. Describe some of the problems this lack of outdoor leisure time can cause and suggest at least one possible solution.

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Nowadays

younsters

Correct your spelling

youngsters

frequently engage themselves

watching

Change preposition

in watching

show examples

television or surfing their phones at home in their free

time

Use synonyms

rather than doing outdoor activities.

This

Linking Words

essay will suggest that the

principle

Correct your spelling

principal

show examples

cause of these issues is

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

parental inattentiveness and submit

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

quality

time

Use synonyms

between parents and

children

Use synonyms

as a viable solution. The main cause of the sedentary lifestyle of youth sticking to

cellphones

Correct your spelling

cell phones

show examples

or TV is parental neglect. By finding entertaining programmes

the

Change preposition

in the

show examples

best calming ways, mothers and fathers do not realise how they are implementing detrimental knock-on effects on the both mental and physical health of their

children

Use synonyms

by not sparing their

time

Use synonyms

with them.

Moreover

Linking Words

, mothers and fathers themselves can be addicted to these devices, exposing less to the outdoor world and setting a bad example.

For example

Linking Words

, statistics provided by the Ministry of Health and Wellbeing of Kazakhstan indicate that 56% of

young

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the young

a young

show examples

generation, leading

sedentary

Add an article

a sedentary

show examples

lifestyle with electronic gadgets, are the

children

Use synonyms

of those adults who are prone to the same type of problem. The most practical solution to

this

Linking Words

concern is spending

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

quality

time

Use synonyms

in the family circle, by walking in

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

nature and doing common activities outside. Not only does

this

Linking Words

encourage

children

Use synonyms

to maintain

the

Correct article usage

show examples

more active way of life without gadgets, but it

also

Linking Words

creates a fulfilling life with enriched various benefits,

such

Linking Words

healthy

Correct article usage

a healthy

show examples

body and memorable moments in their childhood.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, if the youngsters are provided with all the necessary

equipments

Change the wording

equipment

types of equipment

pieces of equipment

show examples

to play outside by adults, they will

less stay

Verb problem

have

show examples

at home settings.

For instance

Linking Words

, my uncle, Rakhymzhan, reduced the spent

time

Use synonyms

in front of

Add an article

the TV

a TV

show examples

or other devices of his sons, by equipping

with

Correct pronoun usage

them with

show examples

a multitude of entertaining game tools and sparing 30 minutes a day, despite having a busy schedule. In conclusion, the increasing amount of

time

Use synonyms

Change preposition

apply

show examples

children

Use synonyms

leading sedentary

lifestyle

Fix the agreement mistake

lifestyles

show examples

, watching various gadgets, has been caused by the neglectful attention of parents and they can solve the issue by spending

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

quality

time

Use synonyms

with them.

ansa13Thu Feb 06 2025

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Task Achievement

The introduction is clear and outlines the causes and the suggested solutions well. However, it can be strengthened by rephrasing some details to make it more impactful.

Coherence and Cohesion

Make sure to expand on your main points with clearer explanations and transitions between different ideas. Using linking words can help improve the flow of the essay.

Task Achievement

When mentioning statistics or specific studies, consider providing more context or elaboration to enhance the clarity and relevance of the examples used.

Task Achievement

The essay addresses the prompt effectively and presents a clear argument with a well-defined cause and suggested solution.

Task Achievement

You made a good attempt to provide a specific example to support your point, showcasing the impact of the suggested solution.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
20
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

329 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

sedentary lifestyle
obesity
physical fitness
mental health
social skills
nature exposure
cognitive function
outdoor activities
health issues
isolation

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As compared to the past, children these days spend more of their leisure time indoors with computers and TV and less time outdoors. Describe some of the problems this lack of outdoor leisure time can cause and suggest at least one possible solution.

Your opinion

Human activity has had a negative impact on plants and animals around the world. Some people think that this cannot be changed, while others think that actions can be taken to bring the change. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Government should spend money on railways rather than roads. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be compulsory in high school programmes (for example, working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children).

Some people think that social networking sites have a huge negative impact on both individuals and society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.