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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The graph and table below show the average monthly temperatures and the average number of hours of sunshine per year in three major cities. Summarize this information by selecting and reporting the main feautures and make comparison where relevant.

The graph and table below show the average monthly temperatures and the average number of hours of sunshine per year in three major cities. Summarize this information by selecting and reporting the main feautures and make comparison where relevant.
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The chart and table display the average monthly
temperature
Use synonyms
 and the average number of
hours
Use synonyms
 of
sunshine
Use synonyms
 per
year
Use synonyms
 in three major cities, including
London
Use synonyms
, New
York
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 and
Sydney
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
,
London
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 and New
York
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 experience similar
temperature
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trend
Fix the agreement mistake
trends
show examples
 during the
year
Use synonyms
 with
Correct article usage
a high
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high
Add a hyphen
high-temperature
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temperature
Use synonyms
period
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
from
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 April until September and
Correct article usage
a low
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low
Add a hyphen
low-temperature
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temperature
Use synonyms
period
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
from
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 late October until March.
On the contrary
Linking Words
,
Sydney
Use synonyms
's monthly
temperature
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 reached its lowest level during
June-September
Correct article usage
the June-September
show examples
Period
Use synonyms
.
According to
Linking Words
 the data, the highest and lowest average monthly
Use synonyms
temperature
Fix the agreement mistake
temperatures
show examples
 occurred in
Use synonyms
city
Add an article
the city
show examples
 of New
York
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. During
summer
Correct article usage
the summer
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period
Use synonyms
 precisely in the middle of July, the
temperature
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 of New
York
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 hit 30
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degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
show examples
Celsius
Use synonyms
. Meanwhile, in January, it fell dramatically until below 5
Use synonyms
degree
Change to a plural noun
degrees
show examples
 C.
London
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, which
share
Correct subject-verb agreement
shares
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identical
Add an article
the identical
an identical
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 pattern, had
lower
Correct article usage
a lower
show examples
 average monthly
temperature
Use synonyms
 during
summer
Add an article
the summer
show examples
period
Use synonyms
. In July,
London
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's
temperature
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 got
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 20-24
Use synonyms
degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
show examples
Celsius
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.
This
Linking Words
degree
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 decreased
until
Change preposition
to
show examples
 10
Use synonyms
degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
show examples
Celsius
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 during
winter
Add an article
the winter
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period
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. Significant monthly
temperature
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 variation relatively didn't occur in
Sydney
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. The
city
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's
temperature
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 reached
it
Change the pronoun
its
show examples
 highest point at 25
Use synonyms
degree
Change to a plural noun
degrees
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, and its lowest at 15
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degree
Change to a plural noun
degrees
show examples
. In terms of annual
hours
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 of
sunshine
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 exposure, New
York
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 faced
sunshine
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 more than two other major cities. It had 2535
hours
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 per
year
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 of
sunshine
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. Followed by
Sydney
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 with 2473
hours
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 and
London
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 with 1180
hours
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 annually. Uniquely,
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city
Add an article
a city
the city
show examples
 with the most significant
temperature
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 variation during the
year
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also
Linking Words
 experienced
highest
Change the article
the highest
show examples
period
Use synonyms
 of
sunshine
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. It correlated with their long
period
Use synonyms
 with
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
 monthly
temperature
Use synonyms
 among the other
Use synonyms
city
Fix the agreement mistake
cities
show examples
.
To conclude
Linking Words
, New
York
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 had the most different average monthly
Use synonyms
temperature
Fix the agreement mistake
temperatures
show examples
 during the
year
Use synonyms
 and the highest
hours
Use synonyms
 of annual sun exposure. Meanwhile,
Sydney
Use synonyms
 with
stable
Correct article usage
a stable
show examples
 monthly
temperature
Use synonyms
at
Change preposition
of
show examples
 20-25
Use synonyms
degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
show examples
Celsius
Use synonyms
, had annual
sunshine
Use synonyms
 for 2473.
On the contrary
Linking Words
,
London
Use synonyms
 had the lowest average monthly
temperature
Use synonyms
 and
sunshine
Use synonyms
 hourly rate for a
year
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "on the contrary".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 73%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words temperature, hours, sunshine, year, london, york, sydney, period, city, degree, celsius with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • average monthly temperature
  • average number of hours of sunshine
  • major cities
  • highest average temperature
  • lowest average temperature
  • temperature trends
  • annual average
  • sunshine duration
  • significant variation
  • correlations
  • overall comparison
  • variations
  • data analysis
  • visual representation
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