IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The increase in mobile phone use in recent years has transformed the way we live, communicate and do business. Mobile phones can also be the cause of social or medical problems. What forms do these problems take? Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of mobile phones? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays,
people
Use synonyms
 are using their
smart
Correct your spelling
smartphones
show examples
phones
Use synonyms
 to
transforming
Wrong verb form
transform
show examples
 their
lives
Use synonyms
, their communication behaviours and their business activities. These activities
give
Verb problem
have
show examples
 impacts
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 many problems,
such
Linking Words
 as social activities and health
issues
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will elaborate
the
Change preposition
on the
show examples
advantage
Fix the agreement mistake
advantages
show examples
 and
disadvantage
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantages
show examples
 of the
smart
Correct your spelling
smartphone
show examples
phone
Use synonyms
 in individuals'
lives
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 essay will reveal that the
Use synonyms
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
 outweigh the
drawback
Fix the agreement mistake
drawbacks
show examples
 of
smart
Correct your spelling
smartphones
show examples
phone
Use synonyms
. The main
benefit
Use synonyms
 of
smart
Correct your spelling
smartphone
show examples
phone
Use synonyms
 is
people
Use synonyms
 can easily access everything.
For instance
Linking Words
, getting
informations
Change the wording
information
pieces of information
show examples
, chatting with friends, calling
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
family, even we can
do
Wrong verb form
doing
show examples
economical
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 things through
smart
Correct your spelling
smartphones
show examples
phone
Use synonyms
. Based on research,
Add an article
a smart
the smart
show examples
smart
Correct your spelling
smartphone
show examples
phone
Use synonyms
 can
ehance
Correct your spelling
enhance
change
people
Use synonyms
's quality of
Use synonyms
lives
Fix the agreement mistake
life
show examples
 if they can use
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 wisely.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, many factors can be calculated as benefits,
such
Linking Words
 as saving time
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 getting information,
like
Replace the word
as
show examples
 you can easily find out the newest
gossips
Fix the agreement mistake
gossip
show examples
only
Change preposition
with only
show examples
 just one click from the
phone
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
also
Linking Words
drawback
Fix the agreement mistake
drawbacks
show examples
, especially in social and health
issues
Use synonyms
. For social
issues
Use synonyms
,
people
Use synonyms
 might be too
focus
Change the form of the verb
focused
show examples
 on their
phones
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of their surroundings or individuals around them. Families or friends might feel neglected
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 if that person only focussing on their mobile
phone
Use synonyms
. These things will ruin their relationships.
However
Linking Words
, for health
issues
Use synonyms
,
people
Use synonyms
 who always tend to look
up
Change preposition
at
show examples
 their mobile
Use synonyms
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 might
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
have problems with their body posture or their eyes. As an example, their skeletons might
be change
Change the verb form
be changing
be changed
show examples
. Not only that, their eyes might
be get
Change the verb form
get
show examples
 radiation from their
phones
Use synonyms
. Despite
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the drawbacks given, in my personal view, the
Use synonyms
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
outweight
Correct your spelling
outweighs
outweigh
 the
drawback
Fix the agreement mistake
drawbacks
show examples
 since mobile
Use synonyms
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 can make our
lives
Use synonyms
 easier than in the past. Many
individual's
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals'
show examples
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 change because of it,
such
Linking Words
 as an influencer. The influencers can use their
smart
Correct your spelling
smartphone
show examples
phone
Use synonyms
 wisely,
then
Linking Words
 they can make money and live through
Correct article usage
the contents
show examples
contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
show examples
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
they made from their
smart
Correct your spelling
smartphones
show examples
phones
Use synonyms
. Another example is
Use synonyms
benefit
Correct article usage
the benefit
show examples
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
long distance
Add a hyphen
long-distance
show examples
 couples, where they can connect
their
Change preposition
with their
show examples
 spouses through video
call
Fix the agreement mistake
calls
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their
smart
Correct your spelling
smartphones
show examples
phones
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, as long as you can use
this
Linking Words
 thing
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
full of wisdom, your life will be enhanced.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure that your introduction clearly outlines the main points you will discuss in your essay.
coherence and cohesion
When presenting advantages and disadvantages, aim for more balanced coverage and provide a clearer transition between points.
coherence and cohesion
Consider rephrasing some sentences for grammatical accuracy and clarity, such as using 'transform' instead of 'transforming'.
task achievement
Good effort in discussing both advantages and disadvantages of mobile phones.
task achievement
Your examples, particularly about influencers and long-distance couples, are relevant and relatable.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • over-reliance
  • cyberbullying
  • screen time
  • data privacy
  • identity theft
  • financial fraud
  • eye strain
  • sleep disorders
  • chronic issues
  • productivity
  • notifications
  • validation
  • self-esteem
What to do next:
Look at other essays: