some people believe that the government should invest more in public services rather than in the arts. To what extent do you agree or disagree?”

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Education
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, healthcare and public transport are essential parts of every citizen's life. Some argue that the
government
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should spend more money on public sectors
such
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as
education
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, healthcare and so on,
instead
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of investing in the
arts
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. I strongly agree with
this
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statement and believe that the high authorities should invest in the population because of
people
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's safety and development. I will explain
this
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view and give relevant examples.
Firstly
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, spending money in the medical sector gives more benefits to the country's individuals, because they can get treatment free of cost.
For example
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, some
people
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can only afford basic needs
such
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as shelter, food and clothes, and can not have more money to get expensive treatments.
As a result
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, some of them die without getting the medical help. Investing in healthcare helps them not only in health but
also
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in living long lives.
In addition
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to
this
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, another reason for supporting
this
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is that
education
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is a fundamental right of everyone.
For instance
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, If the
Government
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provides study at their own expense,
people
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would become well-educated members of society.
Therefore
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,
instead
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of investing in the
arts
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, high authorities should provide a free
education
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system. Despite
this
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, some
people
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feel that the
government
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may spend on the
arts
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because art plays a critical role in the development of the country. To exemplify, by supporting artists of the country, they can raise funds in many ways like the
arts
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can attract more tourism, and they can organize vast exhibitions.
However
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, the
arts
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are not as important as public health and
education
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. In conclusion,
although
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Individuals think that spending on the
arts
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is beneficial, I firmly believe that the
government
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should support general public health and well-being. Personally, public services are outweighed by the
arts
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.

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure all main points are clearly linked to the central argument for greater coherence.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples, especially in the education and health sectors, to strengthen arguments.
task achievement
The introduction clearly states your opinion and outlines the main argument.
coherence and cohesion
There is a good balance between points supporting public services and acknowledging opposing views.
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