IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Trying to save endangered animal species from extinction is a waste of valuable resources. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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There is an ongoing debate OVER whether we should use our valuable
resources
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 to save vulnerable animal species from
extinction
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 or not.From my perspective, I partially agree with
this
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 statement that saving vulnerable
animals
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 necessary but it needs good management to prevent waste of
resources
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. One significant factor to consider is that animal species are
also
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 our valuable
resources
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 because of the
food
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 chain in nature.Evident is the fact that
,
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apply
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 our
food
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 comes from the
food
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 pyramid and some of these
ENDENGERED
Correct your spelling
endangered
animals
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 contribute
in
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to
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 the
food
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 chain. Given that, diminishing participants will disrupt the process of the
food
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 pyramid and eventually affect
human's
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human
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food
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resources
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.To illustrate
this
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 point,
sea
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seafood
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food
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such
Linking Words
 as fish accounts for a vast majority of our
food
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 pyramid.
According to
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 some research studies from Harvard
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university,
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university
Capitalize word
University
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 some of these sea species are in danger of
extinction
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due to
Linking Words
human's
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human
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 litter in their habitats.
Therefore
Linking Words
, if we don't address the issue of disposing system of our
wastes
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waste
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, we will
loose
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lose
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 an enormous part of our
food
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resource
Fix the agreement mistake
resources
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. Another key point is that
,
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apply
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 rescuing endangered
animals
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 is justified mostly because of our
food
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resources
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.
However
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, saving our valuable
resources
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 is a justified and necessary step toward
future
Correct article usage
the future
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. Owing to the fact that without good management our
resources
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 can be depleted.In my way of thinking, Governments are the best option to prevent individuals from overusing
resources
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to
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apply
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for the rescue process.The reason I mentioned authorities is because of their power.
Consequently
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, they have the power to enact rules and policies, Or even harsh punishments to prohibit waste of energy and
resources
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.
For instance
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, harsh punishment can prohibit industries from littering into oceans and save marine life from
extinction
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. All things considered, in my way of thinking,
animals
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 account for our invaluable
resources
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 and we should not be reckless about saving them from
extinction
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.
However
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, the process has to be done
through
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in
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managed
Correct article usage
a managed
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 way to conserve
resources
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 from
wasting
Change the form of the verb
waste
show examples
.

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task achievement
Make sure your introduction clearly states your position on the debate. Use phrases like 'In my opinion' or 'I believe'. This helps improve clarity.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use more varied vocabulary to express your ideas more effectively, particularly when discussing the importance of endangered species.
task achievement
Make sure to clarify and directly support your main points with clear examples, which can enhance the overall strength of your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your conclusion synthesizes the main arguments rather than introducing new ideas. This can help strengthen your part of the essay.
task achievement
The essay presents a well-defined viewpoint that acknowledges the complexity of the issue.
coherence and cohesion
Good use of logical flow in presenting reasons that support the main argument.
task achievement
You demonstrate an awareness of the environmental context, which adds depth to your argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • endangered species
  • extinction
  • preserve
  • biodiversity
  • ecosystem
  • ecological roles
  • conservation efforts
  • scientific discoveries
  • advancements
  • cultural value
  • aesthetic value
  • employment opportunities
  • local economies
  • ethical responsibility
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