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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Today people do less exercise. Some people believe that conducting sporting events such as the Olympics or World Cup encourage people to live healthy while others indicate that there are various other methods to remain healthy. Discuss both views and state your opinion.

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Nowadays, many
people
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 lead inactive lifestyles. Some believe that global sporting
events
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,
such
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 as the Olympics and the World Cup, inspire
people
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 to be more active in their daily lives,
while
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 others argue that there are various alternative ways to maintain
fitness
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. Both perspectives have valid points, as sporting
events
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 can encourage physical activity, but other methods may be more effective in promoting long-term
health
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. Both views are valid, as major sports
events
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 can inspire
people
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 to be active,
while
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 other methods
also
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 help in staying healthy. Large-scale sporting
events
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 like the Olympics and the World Cup bring global attention to sports and
fitness
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, encouraging
people
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 to engage in physical activities. Watching athletes perform at the highest level can motivate individuals to start exercising or participating in sports.
Moreover
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, these
events
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 often promote
health
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 campaigns, raising awareness about the benefits of an active
lifestyle
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.
However
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, relying only on
such
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events
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 may not be enough, as they occur infrequently.
People
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 need continuous motivation to stay active throughout the year.
On the other hand
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, there are various other ways to maintain a healthy
lifestyle
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 without depending on sporting
events
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. Regular exercise,
such
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 as jogging, swimming, or gym workouts, can be more effective in keeping
people
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 fit.
Additionally
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, simple daily activities,
such
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 as walking
instead
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 of using a car, cycling, or doing home workouts, contribute significantly to
overall
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health
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. A balanced diet
also
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 plays a crucial role in maintaining
fitness
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, as consuming nutritious food helps
people
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 stay healthy without the need for intense physical activity. Governments and
health
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 organizations can promote long-term well-being by implementing
fitness
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 programs, providing exercise facilities, and educating
people
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 about the importance of an active
lifestyle
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. In conclusion,
while
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 global sporting
events
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 can inspire
people
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 to be more active, they are not the only solution to maintaining a healthy
lifestyle
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. Engaging in regular exercise, following a nutritious diet, and making small changes in daily routines are more sustainable ways to stay fit.
Therefore
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,
while
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such
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events
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 have a positive impact, individuals should focus on developing long-term habits to maintain their
health
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.

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task achievement
Ensure to provide more detailed examples to support your arguments more effectively. For instance, you could mention specific health campaigns associated with sporting events or provide statistics on increased participation in sports after such events.
coherence and cohesion
While your essay is logically structured, consider using more linking phrases to improve the flow between ideas. This will enhance readability and make it clearer how each point relates to your overall argument.
coherence and cohesion
Strengthen your conclusion by summarizing the key arguments made in the body paragraphs. This will reinforce your position and create a more impactful closing statement.
content
The essay presents a balanced discussion of both views, showing an understanding of the topic.
language
The language used is clear and well-structured, making it easy to follow the arguments presented.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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