IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that an efficient public transport system is the most important factor in the development of a modern city. Others argue that aspects such as healthcare, education, and public safety should take priority. Discuss both views and give your own opinion:

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Several factors are taken into account for the
development
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 of modern cities.
Although
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 some believe that efficient transportation is more important, others believe that
education
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, health and public safety should be in the first place.
This
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 essay will discuss both ideas.
To begin
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 with, some people think that the public
transport
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 system is an important part of people's
life
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lives
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. Because They spend most of their time in
transport
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.
Therefore
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, a comfortable and stress-free daily journey can sometimes determine how the day will start or continue.
In addition
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, it can be noted that an efficient
transport
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 system can prevent traffic jams in the
city
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, reduce pollution and reduce noise in the
city
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.
For example
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, in Japan or China, despite the large population, a properly regulated and created
transport
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 service ensures the smooth movement of the population,
along with
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 a neat appearance of the
city
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.
On the other hand
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, many people think that there are more important issues than
transport
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,
such
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 as health,
education
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 and public safety.
Thus
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, engineers who grow up in countries with poor
education
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 will have a poor contribution to the
development
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 of the
city
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. The inability to meet the hospital and medical needs of the population,
as well as
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 the lack of public confidence, are among the main obstacles to the
development
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 of a
city
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 or country.
For example
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, in many cities in India, the
development
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 of these cities is 50 years behind other places, since literacy,
education
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 and public safety are in the background. İn conclusion, there is no
education
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 without health, there is no security without
education
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, and an area without any of these cannot develop. In my opinion, as important as efficient transportation is, there are more important issues for the
development
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 of a
city
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.

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coherence and cohesion
Work on providing clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to make the main idea of the paragraph explicit to the reader.
task achievement
Make sure to proofread for punctuation and grammar to avoid small errors, such as capitalizing the word 'because' in the second sentence of the second paragraph.
task achievement
Include a more in-depth analysis or explanation of how public safety, healthcare, and education are interconnected with the overall development of a city to enhance your argumentation.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced discussion of both sides of the argument, which is commendable.
task achievement
Your use of examples, particularly the reference to Japan and China, is effective in supporting your points about public transportation.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • efficiency
  • congestion
  • pollution
  • accessibility
  • economic activities
  • quality of life
  • modern city
  • public transport
  • prioritize
  • development
  • socioeconomic factors
  • infrastructure
  • sustainability
  • urban planning
  • public safety
  • healthcare
  • education
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