the growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the healthcare system. In an effort to deal with health issues involved, Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum .To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays, individuals argue that there are numerous overweight people who affect the healthcare system, so the key

for

Change preposition

show examples

solving

this

Linking Words

problem is schools should expand physical education

lessons

Use synonyms

for

students

Use synonyms

. Personally, I partly agree with

this

Linking Words

suggestion based on some reasons that are explained in

this

Linking Words

essay. On the one hand,

students

Use synonyms

should have more choices about physical education

lessons

Use synonyms

in their schools, which would have solved the problem of numerous overweight.

This

Linking Words

problem-solving

will be

Verb problem

apply

show examples

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

method which

helps

Wrong verb form

help

show examples

the next generations out of overweight concerns. If more gym

classes

Use synonyms

are introduced in the school,

this

Linking Words

will help

students

Use synonyms

be more healthier, and allow them to attend whatever physical

classes

Use synonyms

which are their favourite.

For instance

Linking Words

, schools should have several physical class options

such

Linking Words

classes

Use synonyms

for

students

Use synonyms

who like playing sports, and weight rooms for some who like building muscle,

also

Linking Words

if someone does not like those strong movements, yoga will be a good option for them.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, there are several knowledge

lessons

Use synonyms

that should

also

Linking Words

be considered for helping

students

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in the future.

Students

Use synonyms

also

Linking Words

have to attend other important

classes

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to learn more about theories, lectures and calculations, which help young people achieve their goals and have degrees when they grow up.

Although

Linking Words

physical

lessons

Use synonyms

have positive impacts on them, but

also

Linking Words

unable to help them be successful and give them jobs in the future.

Therefore

Linking Words

, individuals should consider other methods which will balance their health and knowledge. In conclusion, introducing more physical education

lessons

Use synonyms

should be an important method which helps solve the problem of overweight in children, but

also

Linking Words

balance with other

lessons

Use synonyms

that will help them grow up well in the future.

htram1626Fri Feb 07 2025

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Task Achievement

Your essay has a clear opinion and addresses the topic. However, make sure to provide more specific examples to strengthen your argument. This will help clarify your points and provide a stronger basis for your claims.

Coherence and Cohesion

Your essay has a logical structure, but consider using more cohesive devices (e.g., linking words) to improve the flow between ideas. This will enhance readability and the overall coherence of your essay.

Coherence and Cohesion

Vary your sentence structures to enhance the readability of your essay. Using a mix of short and long sentences can make your writing more engaging and dynamic.

Task Achievement

You express a clear opinion on the topic, showing that you have engaged with the prompt.

Task Achievement

You have made a good attempt to balance the importance of physical education with academic subjects, showcasing a thoughtful approach to the issue.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

282 words

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IN SOME AREA OF THE US A 'CURFEW' IS IMPOSED, IN WHICH TEENAGERS ARE NOT ALLOWED TO BE OUT OF DOORS AFTER A PARTICULAR TIME AT NIGHT UNLESS THEY ARE ACCOMPANIED BY AN ASULT. WHAT IS YOUR OPINION ABOUT THIS?
Nowadays There is an moden are, There are many city and country some area are very danger and Their are not going to any children in some particular time like evening and night. But some perants are allowed their teengers because their grandfather and childcare are going their. In this essay i will discuss some bad sre as and give my opinion below paragraph.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

In the future, people may no longer be able to pay for things in shops using cash. All payments may have to be made by card or using phones. Do you think this will happen one day? Why do you thinks some people might not be happy to give up using cash?

IN SOME AREA OF THE US A 'CURFEW' IS IMPOSED, IN WHICH TEENAGERS ARE NOT ALLOWED TO BE OUT OF DOORS AFTER A PARTICULAR TIME AT NIGHT UNLESS THEY ARE ACCOMPANIED BY AN ASULT. WHAT IS YOUR OPINION ABOUT THIS?