IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

It is often said that governments spend too much mo ey on projects to protect wildlife, while there are other problems. That are more important? Do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There is a common belief that the government invests a large amount of money on operations to conserve fauna and flora despite the existence of other issues. Nowadays, we have lots of crucial
problems
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as education, poverty, and so on.
However
Linking Words
, taking care of animals and plants, the creatures who live alongside humanity, is the most important matter among them. In
this
Linking Words
 following essay, I will prove
this
Linking Words
 statement. First and foremost, we have to take into account how much mankind is dependent on nature's inhabitants. Animals and plants are providing supplements, which
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 essential for survival. Because of
this
Linking Words
, there won't be any life, even if we fix our other social
problems
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 ignoring wild creatures.
For example
Linking Words
, plants are the only source of
kislorod
Correct your spelling
discord
, which is the ultimate requirement of our body.
Moreover
Linking Words
, some of them can be used as food alongside mammals.
Thus
Linking Words
, world
problems
Use synonyms
 cannot take precedence over protecting wilderness.
Secondly
Linking Words
, wildness can pay back its expenditure through ecotourism, one of the large financial sources of countries. Landscapes, created by a combination of biodiversity, nature expeditions, and native animals, attract significant interest from tourists.
For instance
Linking Words
, nations like Australia and Brazil, which are rich
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
 those things, earn considerable profit from it.
In addition
Linking Words
, tourism can be beneficial for other revenue streams of a country by being hooked to tourists.
For example
Linking Words
, visitors to a country inevitably use local transport, accommodation, and other facilities.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it offers an abundance of advantages to the state. In conclusion, I strongly believe that investing in wildlife is worth the expenditure,
although
Linking Words
 there are plenty of other
problems
Use synonyms
. Because it's significant,
such
Linking Words
 as provisions for food and benefits,
such
Linking Words
 as drawing millions of
travelers
Change the spelling
travellers
show examples
, outweighing
others
Change noun form
others'
other's
show examples
 value. We have to focus on maintaining our biodiversity since no matter how much we develop without an ecosystem, the human race will undergo tribulations or even worse, extinction.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure clarity and precision in your introductory statement. Instead of saying 'prove this statement', consider rephrasing to 'I will discuss why wildlife conservation is of great significance.'
coherence and cohesion
Maintain consistency in your language. Use 'wildlife' or 'wild creatures' consistently rather than interchanging the terms, as this can confuse readers.
task achievement
In your examples, avoid vague references such as 'those things' – make it clearer by referencing 'wildlife and natural landscapes' directly.
coherence and cohesion
Consider enhancing the transition between ideas to make the flow smoother. For example, use linking words to connect your points more clearly, aiding reader comprehension.
coherence and cohesion
Strengthen the connection between your conclusion and the points made. Instead of saying ‘the human race will undergo tribulations’, specify how neglecting wildlife could directly lead to such challenges.
task achievement
You articulated a clear opinion on the significance of wildlife conservation, which is essential for a strong essay stance.
task achievement
Your essay is rich in examples, particularly the mention of Australia and Brazil, which adds credibility to your argument.
coherence and cohesion
The structure of your essay is organized, with distinct paragraphs addressing different aspects of your argument.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • conservation
  • eco-tourism
  • interconnected issues
  • misallocation of resources
  • intrinsically valuable
  • sustainable development
  • biodiversity hotspot
  • environmental stewardship
  • habitat preservation
What to do next:
Look at other essays: