IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

There are many reasons that can motivate a person to stay working for the same company. Some believe that money is the main reason. Do you agree or disagree?

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Being an employee in the same organization for many
years
Use synonyms
 has its own potential benefits and employees are inspired
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
 it. Few
thinks
Change the verb form
think
show examples
 that the financial aspect is the important factor. I strongly believe that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 staying back in
one
Use synonyms
 employer is
due to
Linking Words
 trustworthiness and
nature
Correct article usage
the nature
show examples
 of
job
Use synonyms
 security. On the
one
Use synonyms
 hand, prolonged employment increases the likelihood of more commitment towards
Use synonyms
job
Add an article
the job
a job
show examples
, team reliability,
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
 understanding of managerial processes,
work life
Add a hyphen
work-life
show examples
 balance and can predict the future.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
job
Use synonyms
 will be more like a second home,
thus
Linking Words
leads
Wrong verb form
leading
show examples
 to
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
 convenient lifestyle, despite the usual stress and work pressure.
For example
Linking Words
, in my previous
company
Use synonyms
,
one
Use synonyms
 of my
colleague
Change to a plural noun
colleagues
show examples
 received
"lifetime
Correct article usage
a "lifetime
show examples
 experience award" for his 40
years
Use synonyms
 of service in the
company
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. His
advise
Replace the word
advice
show examples
 to
the
Change the word
his
show examples
 fellow
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
 was fascinating, which sprinkled the thought of satisfaction and completeness.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
job
Use synonyms
 security is the main issue faced by many workers nowadays. Employed in the same
company
Use synonyms
 for more
years
Use synonyms
 not only
pave
Correct subject-verb agreement
paves
show examples
 the path for
job
Use synonyms
 security but
also
Linking Words
 provides sustainability. Particularly, in the Information technology field, settled life is the
one
Use synonyms
 which many people are looking for.
For instance
Linking Words
,
Finland based
Add a hyphen
Finland-based
show examples
 IT
company
Use synonyms
 has the highest number of people who worked for more than 40
years
Use synonyms
 in the same
company
Use synonyms
. Media telecasted an article regarding
this
Linking Words
, which says the workers had
great
Change the article
a great
show examples
 time working with the
company
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, more
technologist
Fix the agreement mistake
technologists
show examples
 and other professionals are trying to settle in a reputed
company
Use synonyms
 rather than working for money. Even though
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 financial needs are irrefutable, individuals are working hard to find their settled place in
an organizations
Correct the article-noun agreement
an organization
organizations
show examples
.

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task achievement
Your introduction presents your viewpoint, which is good, but clarifying your stance on whether money is the main motivating factor compared to other reasons would strengthen your position.
coherence and cohesion
Consider improving the flow between sentences and between paragraphs. Some transitions could be smoother to enhance the overall coherence of your essay.
task achievement
Your examples are relevant, but try to provide more detailed explanations or personal reflections on how these examples illustrate your main points.
task achievement
In your conclusion, restate your main arguments more clearly to reinforce your message and leave a strong impression on the reader.
task achievement
You provided a relevant example regarding job security in the IT field, which supports your argument well.
task achievement
Your essay reflects a good understanding of the topic and includes several reasons why people might choose to stay with the same employer.
coherence and cohesion
The inclusion of personal anecdotes and examples enhances engagement and provides insight into your ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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