IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The diagram below shows the recycling process of aluminium cans. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagram below shows the recycling process of aluminium cans. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The diagram illustrates the seven-step process of
aluminium
Use synonyms
cans
Use synonyms
 starting from used
cans
Use synonyms
 to reusing 74% recycled in the UK.
Overall
Linking Words
, as can be seen, the
cans
Use synonyms
 process begins with collecting, cleaning, heating, rolling and ending with recycling.
It is clear that
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 beginning whit
collecting
Wrong verb form
collect
show examples
aluminium
Use synonyms
cans
Use synonyms
 by truck.
Secondly
Linking Words
, after arriving company
people
Use synonyms
 start with the first step of cleaning
aluminium
Use synonyms
, sorting, shredding and compressing
cans
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, After that employers do the hard steps with healing
cans
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, before the final point of the process
people
Use synonyms
melting
Wrong verb form
melt
show examples
material
Correct article usage
the material
show examples
 and put it in the machine.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, employers start making material in the machine rolling and from 2.5 to 6 mm thick for each can of
aluminium
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 start recycling
cans
Use synonyms
 to become ready for use.
Finally
Linking Words
, nearly 74 per cent of
people
Use synonyms
 in the UK use recycled
aluminium
Use synonyms
cans
Use synonyms
. Most countries use
aluminium
Use synonyms
 recycling for several
aluminium
Use synonyms
 tools.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "secondly".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words aluminium, cans, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Collection phase
  • Recycling facility
  • Cleaning process
  • Contaminants
  • Shredding stage
  • High-temperature furnace
  • Melting process
  • Liquid aluminium
  • Molds
  • Ingot
  • Solidification
  • Aluminium sheets
  • Recycling efficiency
  • Conservation of raw materials
  • Energy conservation
  • Degradation of quality
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