In the modern world, it is no longer necessary to use animals for food, or animal products for clothing and medicine, for example. Do you agree or disagree with this statement.

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Some people assert that in today's
world
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,
livestock
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for
food
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or animal items for fashion and therapy are not necessary. I strongly disagree with
this
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notion, considering the effectiveness
in
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of
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food
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shortages and the valuable
resources
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for local businesses. First and foremost, one compelling argument supporting my stance is that
livestock
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can play a pivotal role in alleviating
world
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hunger. To illustrate, it is widely acknowledged that the
world
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population is expected to be 90 billion by 2050.
Hence
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,
food
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shortages have been regarded as one of the pressing societal issues worldwide.
Thus
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, governments are required to enhance the amount of crop yields and
livestock
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to feed
such
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foreseeing
Correct article usage
a foreseeing
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world
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population until
then
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.
Accordingly
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, without
livestock
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, nations may find it extremely challenging to save increasing lives, and utilizing their lives is inevitable.
Moreover
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, items and medicine from wild animals have served as major
resources
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to maintain local communities. Specifically, communities in rural
areas
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have fewer
resources
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, compared to those in urban
areas
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.
Hence
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, producing
such
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products has offered job opportunities to local individuals.
For example
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, in the countryside of Japan, people have relied on selling gifts made from animals' skins since there are few stable industries in their hometowns.
Therefore
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, If society were to prohibit their activities, they would lose their financial
resources
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. Namely, in rural
areas
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, selling animal-related items can act as their primary business. In conclusion, animal-related industries can contribute to addressing
food
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shortages and securing stable income in rural
areas
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.
For
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this
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reason, I strongly believe that animal-use products and
food
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are essential even in modern society.

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task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your position, which is great. However, you could enhance it by briefly outlining the main points you will discuss in the body paragraphs.
task achievement
Ensure that each main point is supported by detailed evidence. While your examples are relevant, expanding them or incorporating additional specifics would strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Consider using clearer transition phrases between points and paragraphs. This will help improve the flow of your essay and make it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
coherence and cohesion
In your conclusion, it is beneficial to restate the main points you mentioned earlier in a more concise manner to reinforce your argument.
task achievement
You have a strong stance and good engagement with the topic, articulating a clear disagreement with the statement.
task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the issue and presents logical reasoning to support your viewpoint.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • ethical consumption
  • sustainability
  • veganism
  • synthetic alternatives
  • bioengineering
  • animal welfare
  • culturally ingrained
  • biodiversity
  • a shift in paradigm
  • intensive farming
  • environmental footprint
  • plant-based
  • animal testing
  • cruelty-free
  • conservation efforts
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