IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie charts provide a comparison of the ages of the populations in two nations: Yemen and Italy in 2000 and an estimate for 2050.

The pie charts provide a comparison of the ages of the populations in two nations: Yemen and Italy in 2000 and an estimate for 2050.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The pie charts illustrate the percentage of different age populations in
Yemen
Use synonyms
 and Italy in 2000 and what is projected in 2050.
Overall
Linking Words
,
Yemen
Use synonyms
 has a large
number
Use synonyms
 of
children
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 Italy has only a small proportion.
The most
Correct article usage
Most
show examples
 of
Italy
Change noun form
Italy's
show examples
population
Use synonyms
 is old
people
Use synonyms
.
Yemen
Use synonyms
 and Italy have the same proportion of young
people
Use synonyms
. In 2000,
Yemen
Use synonyms
’s
population
Use synonyms
 of
children
Use synonyms
 from birth to 14 years was half of the
population
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 Italy had only 14.3% of
children
Use synonyms
population
Use synonyms
. Italy had a significant
number
Use synonyms
 of young
population
Use synonyms
 from 15 to 59 years, which was more than half of the
population
Use synonyms
, which was at 61.6%.
Yemen
Use synonyms
 had 46.3% of
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
people
Use synonyms
population
Use synonyms
. For
late
Correct article usage
the late
show examples
 adulthood stage, more than 60 years old, Italy had a larger
number
Use synonyms
 than
Yemen
Use synonyms
 at 24.1% for Italy and only 3.6% for
Yemen
Use synonyms
. It is projected to increase in
number
Use synonyms
 of young
people
Use synonyms
 in
Yemen
Use synonyms
 to 57.3%
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
while
Linking Words
 decreasing the
number
Use synonyms
 in Italy to 46.2%. The
population
Use synonyms
 of old
people
Use synonyms
 in Italy will increase significantly to 42.3%,
while
Linking Words
 in
Yemen
Use synonyms
 the
number
Use synonyms
 will be relatively stable or increase slightly to 5.7% by 2050. The
children
Use synonyms
population
Use synonyms
 for both Italy and
Yemen
Use synonyms
 will decrease significantly to 37.0% and 11.5%, respectively, in 2050.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words yemen, number, children, population, people with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 3 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: