IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe it is beneficial for children to attend graduate school , while others argue that children should be given freedom too choose their own? share your opinion.

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A chunk of people
assume
Change the verb form
assumes
show examples
 it is beneficial for
children
Use synonyms
 to pursue
graduate
Use synonyms
school
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 on
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 contrary they should have
Correct article usage
the rights
show examples
rights
Fix the agreement mistake
right
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 too to opt for their own.
Although
Linking Words
 it is
debatable
Add an article
a debatable
the debatable
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 term in society, I firmly believe that attending a
gradute
Correct your spelling
graduate
school
Use synonyms
 provides
children
Use synonyms
a
Add the preposition
with a
show examples
standard
bencmark
Correct your spelling
benchmark
qualification
Use synonyms
 to grow in their
career
Use synonyms
 and as a person.
Since
Change preposition
For
show examples
past
Correct article usage
the past
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 multiple decades studying in a
gradute
Correct your spelling
graduate
school
Use synonyms
 has become a norm to achieve a good
qualification
Use synonyms
 and excel in your field. Being a
gradute
Correct your spelling
graduate
 makes a person independent and intellectual in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. A
graduade
Correct your spelling
graduate
school
Use synonyms
 studies set standard equivalency for
qualification
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 or skills in demand which are required by
employeers
Correct your spelling
employers
employees
 to pursue any
career
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 and grow to higher positions. For eg,
masters
Change noun form
master's
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 studies in a particular field set a standard as a high
qualification
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 in society and some
infact
Correct your spelling
in fact
 contribute to new research areas.
Children
Use synonyms
 during their
teenager
Replace the word
teenage
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 age are not mature enough
to conclude
Linking Words
 about right or wrong
hence
Linking Words
 giving them
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 leverage to choose or decide
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their own often
end up
Verb problem
apply
show examples
leading to bad choices or awful decisions.
Such
Linking Words
 determination will not only leave a kid with regrets but will
also
Linking Words
 spoil the golden period of their life. Teens have a
woble
Correct your spelling
wobble
noble
whole
 mind and are naive to decide
perks
Correct article usage
the perks
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 and boon of
graduate
Use synonyms
school
Use synonyms
. Exempting them from joining a
graduate
Use synonyms
school
Use synonyms
 may result in unemployment, wrong
career
Use synonyms
 decisions, frustration, unnecessary stress or burden on
children
Use synonyms
as well as
Linking Words
 parents later. In conclusion, it is very important that
children
Use synonyms
 attend
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
graduate
Use synonyms
school
Use synonyms
 and become
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
learned
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
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 by following
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 right path which can illuminate their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 with independence,
stable
Correct article usage
a stable
show examples
career
Use synonyms
 and wise
personality
Fix the agreement mistake
personalities
show examples
.

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task achievement
Consider elaborating on your main points with additional examples and details to strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the logical flow of paragraphs by using clearer transitions between ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your conclusion summarizes the main points clearly and reinforces your opinion effectively.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear opinion on the topic, which is a strong start.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction provides a good overview of the debate surrounding the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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