IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people say that all popular TV entertainment program should aim to educate viewers about important social issue s. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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In today's era, knowledge about social
issues
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 is a must, the majority of folks believe that
TV
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 entertainment should focus on social
issues
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, so all the watchers can learn something. I agree with the given statement and will explain the reason in the following paragraphs. The first and foremost reason is that video visuals are the primary source of
people
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's entertainment
due to
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 globalization and giving
education
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 to youngsters on social
issues
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 is a great way to direct them on the right path.
For example
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, 99 out of 100 children watch the animation, and guiding them on the importance of
education
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 and its benefits will create their interest in
education
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, which is always the backbone for their bright future.
Secondly
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, all famous shows on
TV
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 spend millions of budget
while
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 creating those programs, and if it does not aim for social aspects
such
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 as child
labor
Change the spelling
labour
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, corruption, and cost of living, it means producers are just wasting time and money and it is putting the major impact on the economy of the country.
Hence
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,
TV
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 programs must focus on social
issues
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.
Secondly
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, there are a plethora of
people
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 who are unaware of the latest
issues
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 going on
such
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 as crime, money laundering, drug terrific, cost of
education
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, and economic disruption, which leads to a lot of problems for
people
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, and somewhere they are
also
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 going through the same
issues
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.
For example
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, so many children are paying for
education
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 more than what they need to pay, and they do not even have an idea about it.
As a result
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, it is becoming an alarming situation for the day, so programming shows about social
issues
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 aims not only aware
people
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 but
also
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 help to decrease the problems regarding these.
To conclude
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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TV
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 programs must focus on social
issues
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, as
it's
Correct your spelling
their
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 advantages and reasons
cannot
Rewrite the sentence
can
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 not be neglected.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure to clearly outline your main points in your introduction to guide the reader through your essay. Consider revising sentences for smoother transitions between ideas.
task achievement
Your conclusion could be enhanced by summarizing the key points you discussed, adding weight to your argument about the importance of educational content in TV programs.
task achievement
You have presented a clear agreement with the statement and justified your opinion with relevant points and examples.
task achievement
The use of examples, such as children paying excessive education costs, demonstrates an understanding of real-world implications of social issues.
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