IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below shows the number of houses built per year in two cities, Derby and Nottingham, Between 2000 and 2009. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below.

The bar chart below shows the number of houses built per year in two cities, Derby and Nottingham, Between 2000 and 2009. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The above bar graph represents the number of
houses
Use synonyms
 built per year in two cities,
Derby
Use synonyms
 and
Nottingham
Use synonyms
, between 2000 and 2009. The blue colour indicates
Derby
Use synonyms
 and yellow represents
Nottingham
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, in 2000
Derby
Use synonyms
 began constructing homes around 45 to 50
whereas
Linking Words
Nottingham
Use synonyms
 had built exactly 50
houses
Use synonyms
 and both increased
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 slightly in the next year. But in 2002
Nottingham
Use synonyms
 declined their count to quarter
while
Linking Words
Derby
Use synonyms
 peaked above 100. In a similar trend both gradually built
houses
Use synonyms
 until 2005.
Secondly
Linking Words
, in 2006
Nottingham
Use synonyms
city
Capitalize word
City
show examples
 faced a significant change by dropping their count
however
Linking Words
Derby
Use synonyms
 remained steady. In 2007
Nottingham
Use synonyms
 experienced a
dramactical
Correct your spelling
dramatic
dramatical
 peak by building around 150-200
houses
Use synonyms
whereas
Linking Words
Derby
Use synonyms
 is constant. In 2008
Nottingham
Use synonyms
 again declined to 0 to 50 homes. By 2009
Derby
Use synonyms
builded
Wrong verb form
had built
show examples
aproximately
Correct your spelling
approximately
 350
houses
Use synonyms
 and
Nottingham
Use synonyms
 constructed 250 shelters.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
Derby
Use synonyms
 gradually raised their count of shelters
among
Change preposition
over
show examples
 these 10 years
whereas
Linking Words
Nottingham
Use synonyms
 fluctuated their number over the years.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 73%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words houses, derby, nottingham with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "represents" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: