IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The illustrations show how chocolate is produced. Assel

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The diagram depicts the step-by-step process of
chocolate
Use synonyms
 production.
Overall
Linking Words
, the procedure is man-made and there are ten stages, starting with the
cacao
Use synonyms
 tree
is
Wrong verb form
being
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 grown in South America, Africa and Indonesia and ending with the liquid
chocolate
Use synonyms
 produced.
Initially
Linking Words
, the production begins with
cacao
Use synonyms
 trees, which are primarily grown in South America, Africa and Indonesia.
Next,
Linking Words
the ripe red
cacao
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 pods are harvested and their contents white
cacao
Use synonyms
 peas are extracted.
Following
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, the beans undergo fermentation, a critical step that enhances their flavour.
Subsequently
Linking Words
, once fermented, the beans are spread out under the
sun dry
Correct your spelling
sundry
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.
Then
Linking Words
, the dried pates are packed into large sacks and transported, usually by train or lorry, to processing factories. Ultimately, at the factory, the noggins are roasted at a specific temperature to
further
Linking Words
 develop their flavour. After roasting, they are crushed and the outer shells are removed, leaving behind
cacao
Use synonyms
 nibs. The nibs are ground to produce a thick, liquid
chocolate
Use synonyms
 substance.
Overall
Linking Words
, the process of
chocolate
Use synonyms
 production is systematic, involving both natural and mechanical steps.

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coherence and cohesion
The essay maintains a clear logical structure with distinct paragraphs for each stage of the process. However, consider adding a concluding sentence to reinforce the overall summary of the production process.
task achievement
Add more specific details about each stage, perhaps including how long the fermentation takes or what happens after the chocolate is produced. This will enhance the depth of your response.
positive
The description of the steps in chocolate production is well-organized and flows logically from one to the next, making it easy for the reader to follow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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