IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that exercise is the key to health, while others feel that having a balanced diet is more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Thu Ha

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In modern society, there are opposing views about how to live a healthy life. A large number of people think that one’s
health
Use synonyms
 mostly depends on physical activities,
in contrast
Linking Words
, others believe that arranging a scientific
diet
Use synonyms
 is the best way to achieve well-being. Two aforementioned views will be discussed in the following paragraphs before presenting my personal perspective in the conclusion. On the one hand, there are many reasons why people feel that doing
exercise
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 regularly is crucial for individuals who want to maintain a positive lifestyle. The biggest reason behind
this
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 is that regular
exercise
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 is a factor which can control weight. Working out will burn calories,
thus
Linking Words
 if one is obese,it will help them reduce the amount of fat in the body.
Furthermore
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, when an individual is slim, the most effective way to gain weight is a workout which can increase muscle mass and lead to a stronger body.
For example
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,
gymnastic
Fix the agreement mistake
gymnastics
show examples
 is an excellent illustration.
Exercise
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 affects positively to public’s
health
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 conditions and it helps reduce the risk of diseases
such
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 as cardiovascular disease.
However
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, I am of the opinion that a balanced
diet
Use synonyms
 plays an important role in our
health
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. A
diet
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 that includes a variety of nutrient-rich foods supports the proper functioning of your body, supporting growth.
Therefore
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,
this
Linking Words
 is
a
Correct article usage
the
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 main key to our immune system
health
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.A correct
diet
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 has all of the macronutrients
carbohydrate
Fix the agreement mistake
carbohydrates
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, fat, protein, fibre and micronutrients like
,
Remove the comma
apply
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vitamins, and minerals. If one
do
Change the verb form
does
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 not have a healthy eating habit/regime, citizens’
health
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 will be affected seriously.
For instance
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, a
diet
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 high in processed foods, fats and sugar can lead to implicit diseases
such
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 as obesity and diabetes.
To sum up
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,
while
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 both
exercise
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 and a balanced
diet
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 are crucial for
health
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, I contend that a balanced
diet
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 is more efficient, followers sticking to
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good nutritional therapy still become healthy without doing heavy physical activities.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Improve the logical flow between paragraphs by using transition words or phrases. For example, clearly indicate when moving from one viewpoint to another.
Task Achievement
Expand on some of your main points with more detailed explanations or examples. This will enhance the overall clarity and depth of your argument.
Grammatical Accuracy
Make sure to proofread your essay for grammatical errors and phrasing issues, which can distract from your overall message.
Structure
Your introduction clearly outlines both viewpoints and presents your opinion, which sets a good structure for the essay.
Content
You provide relevant examples to support your arguments about the importance of exercise and nutrition in relation to health.
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