IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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the line graph
given
Wrong verb form
gives
show examples
 information on the
number
Use synonyms
 of participants for various activities at one social
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 in Melbourne, Australia, for the period between 2000 and 2020.
Overall
Linking Words
, amateur
dramatic
Replace the word
drama
show examples
 activity
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
 2005 to 2020 showed a dramatic decrease,
while
Linking Words
 table tennis activity skyrocketed
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
number
Use synonyms
 of participants between 2010 to 2020. Film club activity showed a significantly
decrease
Wrong verb form
decreased
show examples
number
Use synonyms
 of
members
Use synonyms
, with 60-70
members
Use synonyms
 every year.
Although
Linking Words
 table tennis showed a
number
Use synonyms
 of
members
Use synonyms
 of just less than 20, it dramatically increased from 2010 to 2020, making more than 50
members
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, amateur dramatics shows declined significantly from 25 become 5
members
Use synonyms
.
in addition
Linking Words
, musical performances began with less than 20
members
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
 2010 to 2020.
while
Linking Words
 martial arts shows a
waves
Fix the agreement mistake
wave
show examples
 data but
stay
Correct subject-verb agreement
stays
show examples
 in 40
members
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
every year.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words number, members with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "dramatic" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • participation rates
  • trends
  • significant increases/decreases
  • stable numbers
  • fluctuations
  • overall participation
  • comparison
  • activities
  • social centre
  • Melbourne
  • participants
  • highlight
  • report
  • graph illustrates/demonstrates
  • 20-year period
  • key features
  • main features
  • statistical data
  • variations
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