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Writing Samples
Band 5

Young people who commit serious crimes, such as a robbery or a violent attack should be punished in the same way as adults. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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The issue of whether
youngersters
Correct your spelling
youngsters
 who commit awful crimes should be punished in the same
way
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 as
adults
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has
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have
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 sparked a great deal of debate. To a certain extent, I firmly believe that different punishments should be imposed based on different motives. Those advocating that young individuals should be punished the same as
adults
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 highlight that their actions and the resulting consequences indeed cause harm to society.They argue that
such
Linking Words
 punishment can serve as a deterrent to potential criminals and help reduce crime rates.
However
Linking Words
, juveniles,
due to
Linking Words
 their lack of maturity, are more likely to be influenced by
adults
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.
For example
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, a juvenile who desires a better life but lacks financial resources may be tempted to commit robbery or engage in online fraud.
In contrast
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, an adult is usually a worker with
stable
Correct article usage
a stable
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 income and better judgment.If
adolescence
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adolescents
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 are sentenced in the same
way
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 as
adults
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, it would be too harsh on them.
Moreover
Linking Words
,in some communities with drug abuse problems, teenagers may be directed to participate in drug-related transactions without being aware of the serious consequences. When it comes to
treat
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treating
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 juvenile delinquents as
adults
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' crime，there are certain drawbacks.
Firstly
Linking Words
, if juveniles are punished in the same justice regulations and laws as
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adults'
Change noun form
adults
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, they have more opportunities to come into contact with repeat offenders, which may corrupt their minds.
Secondly
Linking Words
, if adolescents are punished in the same
way
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 as
adults
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, they are more likely to face discrimination.
For example
Linking Words
, a reformed adolescent, who chooses to reintegrate into society and job-hunting
, is
Verb problem
finds it
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 difficult
for
Change preposition
apply
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him
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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to break the glass ceiling even though he has already corrected his mistakes. In conclusion, based on the analysis presented above, I have an unfavourable stance towards punishing them in the same
way
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. A more sustainable solution is needed for
this
Linking Words
 complex matter.

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task achievement
Consider providing a clearer overview of your stance in the introduction and a more comprehensive summary in the conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Using more linking phrases to connect ideas will improve the flow of your essay, making it easier for the reader to follow.
content
The essay presents a balanced argument with clear recognition of both sides of the issue.
content
You have provided examples that illustrate your points, which adds depth to your argument.
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