Many young people today spend too much time.e following the latest fashion trends in areas such as clothing and technology. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is true in the present era, following the latest styles of fashion plays a crucial role for individuals.Teenagers run out of their preferences in the final trends in fashion garments and electronic devices.
This
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essay will delve into
this
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phenomenon, by supporting relevant examples and insights. I strongly agree that
this
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issue is exceeding for some reasons. The first noticing reason is imitation. To clarify, youngsters try to do what their parents and friends do because they believe
that is
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the right way to be pretty.
However
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,
this
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manner will harm them in the end.
Thus
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, They become a shopaholic.
According to
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recent research from Oxford University, 70%of young people become upset when they don't have money to buy the latest mobile phones. Another reason
besides
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this
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phenomenon is the advertisement. The way in which advertisements are announced on separate sorts of media may encourage the obedience to buy with persuading.
For instance
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, the Media these days make shopping easier.
That is
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just by pressing patterns and sending money via phone and
then
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the shopkeeper will distribute the product in a short time. A study published at the University of Nizwa showed students could buy a variety of books from e. Library. In conclusion, I am convinced having the latest brands
such
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as clothes and electronics is a dangerous trend among individuals nowadays .
However
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, I totally agree the outcomes are not limited to adults only but
also
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have a profound On society.
Therefore
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, the government should encourage
this
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nation to acquire awareness of
this
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situation.

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task achievement
Your introduction is clear, but try to rephrase it to make it more engaging and precise. Instead of just stating that fashion plays a crucial role, consider also explaining why this is significant in contemporary society.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences lack clarity and contain grammatical errors. Revise sentences like 'Thus, They become a shopaholic' to improve fluency and correctness, such as 'As a result, they may develop compulsive shopping habits.'
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph should ideally focus on one main idea. Consider expanding on the points you make and providing clearer transitions between ideas to enhance the overall coherence of your essay.
task achievement
You presented your ideas and opinions clearly, and your essay's structure follows a logical flow.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples that support your points, especially in terms of research findings, which adds credibility to your arguments.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • fashion trends
  • self-esteem
  • identity
  • social media
  • influencers
  • anxiety
  • financial strain
  • individuality
  • creativity
  • personal style
  • consumer behavior
  • peer pressure
  • brand loyalty
  • digital culture
  • expenditure
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