IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that professional workers such as Doctors and Teachers should be paid more than sports and entertainment personalities. To what extent Do you Agree or Disagree?

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Nowadays,
this
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 topic has become a point of debate. Some people believe that professional
workers
Use synonyms
such
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 as
Doctors
Use synonyms
 and Teachers should be paid more than sports and entertainment personalities. Others argue that sports and entertainment personalities should receive the same income.
This
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 essay will discuss that topic and provide my opinion as to why I consider that.
To begin
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 with,
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 number of professional
workers
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such
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 as
doctors
Use synonyms
 and teachers
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 been increasing. And it has become a popular job now. Many people believe that they should get a higher income than other jobs because they
work
Use synonyms
 hard.
Moreover
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, their jobs and tasks are important for everyone.
For instance
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,
working
Rephrase
when working
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 in
hospital
Add an article
a hospital
the hospital
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, some
doctors
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 stay home with their
family
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families
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 when
the
Correct article usage
an
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 emergency case in their hospital. They might go immediately to
work
Use synonyms
 because they think helping people is the most important.
That is
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 the reason they donate their time to
work
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. Other, working as a teacher might be a very hard job because they will have huge responsibilities either taking care of children or doing their tasks in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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school.
In addition
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, Others think that sports and entertainment personalities should be paid as much as professional
workers
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.
For example
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, actors might spend 24 hours on their
work
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. They
also
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work
Use synonyms
 at night even on holiday. They donate their privacy to be a public person.
Therefore
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, all their
work
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 might make everyone happy. In my opinion, both are important for everyone's life.
However
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, I definitely agree that professional
workers
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such
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 as teachers and
doctors
Use synonyms
 should be paid more than
another job
Fix the agreement mistake
other jobs
show examples
 because of their skills and time for providing a good quality of life
such
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 as
healthy
Replace the word
health
show examples
 and education
to
Change preposition
apply
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us
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.

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task achievement
Consider clearly stating your opinion in the introduction for better clarity and coherence. For example, directly mention whether you agree or disagree with the statement.
coherence and cohesion
Use transition words more effectively to improve the flow between ideas and paragraphs. For example, phrases like 'on one hand' and 'on the other hand' could be helpful.
task achievement
In your examples, provide more detailed explanations to strengthen your arguments. For instance, elaborate on how doctors and teachers positively impact society.
task achievement
You have included important points about the roles of doctors and teachers that support your argument for their increased compensation.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame your discussion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Professional workers
  • Societal contribution
  • Scarcity
  • Market forces
  • Consumer demand
  • Role models
  • Economic impact
  • Revenue generation
  • Fair compensation
  • Social equity
  • Intrinsic rewards
  • Job satisfaction
  • Media rights
  • Merchandise sales
  • Public figures
What to do next:
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