IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Environmental damage is a problem in most countries. What is the cause of this damage? What should be done about this problem?

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In recent years, environmental degradation has become a pressing concern as it significantly affects flora and fauna and requires immediate attention.
This
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 essay will explore the main reasons behind environmental impact and propose effective solutions to address it. There are several key reasons why ecological damage has emerged as a significant problem. One of the primary causes is forest degradation. The continuous cutting down of
trees
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 to build more living spaces for the increasing population has given birth to the emergence of several environmental issues and
health
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 diseases.
For instance
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, in the world's largest slump area, Dharavi, where
people
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 are facing challenging living conditions
due to
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 the increasing construction of modern buildings and poor management of waste, are suffering from chronic
health
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 problems.
Additionally
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, another major cause is the movement of vehicles on roads. The emission of hazardous gases is causing more harm to the surroundings, which ultimately leads to more pollution.
This
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 factor leads to breathing and lung problems. To tackle
this
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 issue, several effective solutions can be implemented. One potential solution is making
people
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 aware of the devastating effects of forest degradation.
This
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 approach would definitely make individuals aware of the detrimental impacts of cutting
trees
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 on their
health
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.
For example
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, when
people
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 are more knowledgeable regarding the consequences of building more living spaces and managing waste in open areas, they will
also
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 contribute to handling
this
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 situation. Another possible solution is implementing several programs for planting more
trees
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.
This
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 would be particularly effective as it will work both at the individual
level
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 and higher
level
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 to enable
people
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 to make their surroundings green and
trees
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 will help to absorb more carbon dioxide for eliminating the pollution. In conclusion, damage to the ecosystem stems from an increasing population and fewer living spaces has led to various
health
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 illnesses.
However
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, by implementing solutions
such
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 as awareness programs and planting more
trees
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 initiatives both at the individual
level
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 or higher
level
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, it is possible to mitigate
this
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 issue.

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task achievement
Consider expanding on the examples provided, especially in the introduction, to give readers a clearer picture of the environmental issues at hand.
coherence and cohesion
Try to enhance the connection between your ideas by using more cohesive devices, such as referencing and paraphrasing key terms throughout your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to succinctly summarize the main points in the conclusion, reinforcing the solutions proposed for clarity.
structure
The essay presents a clear introduction that outlines the topic and proposes to explore causes and solutions.
ideas
The specific examples of environmental damage and proposed solutions show a good understanding of the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • industrialization
  • habitat destruction
  • urbanization
  • overpopulation
  • overexploitation
  • deforestation
  • biodiversity
  • waste management
  • fossil fuels
  • air pollution
  • climate change
  • renewable energy
  • sustainable agriculture
  • recycling systems
  • international cooperation
  • conservation
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