IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

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These days, some
people
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 hold the view that
children
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 should be told that they can
achive
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achieve
 their
gools
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goals
goods
 if they
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
try their best.
This
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 topic is so popular and common all over the world. In my opinion, I agree with
this
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 point, It is because it is a
greate
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great
way
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 to improve themselves. On the one hand, it is a good
way
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 to help them improve their
skills
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. As far as we all
konw
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know
,
people
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 always get a sense of challenge when they meet some questions in their daily lives. If parents often encourage them to solve
peoblems
Correct your spelling
problems
 by themselves, they will develop the ability to solve problems on their own and make them more and more independent.
In addition
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, during
this
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 process,
children
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 can learn some social
skills
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.
For example
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, they can increase their teamwork
skills
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, communication abilities, thinking
skills
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 and problem-solving abilities. All of these
skills
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 can help
children
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 develop self-esteem, they can talk
some
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about some
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 problems with
people
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 from different backgrounds and from all walks of
live
Replace the word
life
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.
Meawhile
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Meanwhile
, it is
also
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 a good
way
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 to help them explore something new that they did not notice before to open their minds
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and expand
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 relationship.
On the other hand
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,
people
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 will feel more
stressful
Replace the word
stressed
show examples
 and
depression
Replace the word
depressed
show examples
 when they find they can not solve these problems.
However
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, only in
this
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way
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,
children
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 can
have
Verb problem
be
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 more and more courageous to meet difficulties in the future. In conclusion, parents should always encourage their
children
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find
Fix the infinitive
to find
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 some ways to solve
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
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 by themselves. They can ask
some
Change preposition
for some
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 help from their parents and friends,
however
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, they should finish these questions
rely on
Verb problem
by
show examples
 themselves.

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language
Ensure correct spelling throughout the essay. For example, 'achieve' instead of 'achive', 'goals' instead of 'gools', 'great' instead of 'greate'. Incorrect spellings can distract readers and affect the overall clarity of your writing.
content
It's important to develop your main points further. For instance, expand on how children can face stress when they encounter problems, providing a specific example or scenario to illustrate this point effectively.
language
Try to use a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary. This can enhance the overall quality of your writing and make your argument more engaging.
structure
You presented a clear opinion on the topic and structured your essay with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
content
You provided some good points regarding the benefits of encouraging children to solve problems independently, which can help them develop important skills.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • achieve
  • try hard
  • positive mindset
  • self-belief
  • motivates
  • ambitious goals
  • resilience
  • determination
  • confidence
  • self-esteem
  • growth mindset
  • unrealistic expectations
  • disappointment
  • failure
  • effort
  • hard work
  • seek support
  • individual differences
  • abilities
  • capabilities
What to do next:
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