IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

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Issues related to the environment around us have been getting increasingly concerning. Many
citizen
Change to a plural noun
citizens
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 think the major issue in
this
Linking Words
 current time is the extinction of specific flora and fauna,
while
Linking Words
 others say there are still plenty of issues caused by bad environment. From my point of view, I believe the key problem of the environment is the bad
waste
Use synonyms
 management
sourcing
Wrong verb form
sourced
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 from the household and industry which can
give
Verb problem
have
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impact
Correct article usage
an impact
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to
Change preposition
on
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 all living beings. On one hand, mother nature needs to be protected in order to prevent its flora and fauna
to go
Change preposition
from going
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 extinct. In recent news, almost
two-third
Correct your spelling
two-thirds
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 of the forest in Los Angeles was burned down
due to
Linking Words
 natural
cause
Fix the agreement mistake
causes
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,
resulted
Wrong verb form
resulting
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 in the loss of habitat for the animals living inside the forest, and no source of food. At the same time, most of the plants were swept away by the fire, causing a decrease
of
Change preposition
in
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 the variety of species. Another cause, particularly man-made, which can distort the ecosystem and food chain
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 illegal hunting and animal trafficking. On another hand, the most concerning issue arise in recent
century
Fix the agreement mistake
centuries
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 is
the
Correct article usage
apply
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improper household and industry
waste
Use synonyms
 management, causing the thinning of
ozone
Add an article
the ozone
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 layer, which
function
Correct subject-verb agreement
functions
show examples
 to protect the
earth
Use synonyms
 from the sun's heat.
Following
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, it triggers the increase in
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the earth
show examples
earth
Change noun form
earth's
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 temperature and sea level. Not only that, the
waste
Use synonyms
 can
also
Linking Words
 contaminate the sea and land, disrupting the
earth
Use synonyms
's ecosystem,
impacting
Correct word choice
and impacting
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 all living beings.
Overall
Linking Words
, plenty of environmental issues have and currently happened in
this
Linking Words
 era, including the loss of several
animals
Fix the agreement mistake
animal
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 and
plants
Change the noun form
plant
show examples
 species. I believe the key problem is because of bad household and industry
waste
Use synonyms
 management, affecting the
earth
Use synonyms
 and
organism
Fix the agreement mistake
organisms
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 living in it.

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task achievement
Consider providing a clearer thesis statement in the introduction to strengthen your argument. You could explicitly state your position on the debate you've introduced.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence that summarizes the point you are about to discuss. This will help improve the logical flow of your essay.
task achievement
Include more specific examples and data, particularly in the section discussing waste management, to bolster your argument and provide clearer support for your main points.
task achievement
You have effectively identified two major perspectives on the environmental issues and presented your own opinion clearly.
task achievement
Your essay shows a good understanding of the complexities surrounding environmental issues, which can engage the reader.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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