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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

More and more children as accessing the internet unsupervised and at a younger age. This can sometimes put children at risk. What problems do you think parents face when dealing with their children using the Internet? How can this be solved?

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Parents
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 are concerned about what their child is searching for on
this
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 platform, increasing the risk factors for
children
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.
This
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 issue is a topic of considerable debate. In my opinion,
parents
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 are facing many challenges regarding
this
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 matter including disrespectful behavior by the
children
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 and confused personality.
This
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 essay will elaborate on viable issues
along with
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 some remedies to address
this
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 problem and
thus
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 will lead to a logical conclusion. Millennials are overusing social media applications and unable to differentiate between reels and reality, which
will affect
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affects
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 them mentally.
As a result
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,
this
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 phenomenon stimulates change in behavior patterns making
children
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 stubborn and anxious. Another striking aspect in
this
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 regard is that when toddlers are addicted to
this
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 content they disconnect their selves from school activities and generate isolated personalities,
consequently
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, kids are unable to focus on their studies, which directly affects their academic performance.
Furthermore
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, steps to deal with these issues are many but the most significant ones
is
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are
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 not only complicated but accessible and practical,
parents
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 should spend maximum time with their
children
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 to solve their queries and problems with a positive approach and encourage their toddlers to develop their hobbies and participate in outdoor activities which build critical thinking and problem-solving personality, where family time is most important exercise stimulating emotional bond between
parents
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 and
children
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due to
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this
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 they distract from
digital
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the digital
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 gadget and focus in their academic career. To recapitulate,
according to
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 the arguments and aforementioned, one can reach the conclusion that the problem of
children
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 accessing the internet without any supervision can be easily addressed with the help of
above-stated
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the above-stated
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 measures.

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task achievement
Consider providing clearer examples to illustrate your points. For instance, when discussing behavior changes, you could describe specific scenarios or studies that highlight the impact of internet use on children.
coherence and cohesion
Enhance the logical flow between your paragraphs. Transition sentences can help guide the reader through your argument more effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Slightly refine your language for clarity. For example, instead of 'not only complicated but accessible and practical,' consider rephrasing to 'while these steps can be complicated, they are also accessible and practical.'
task achievement
You provide a clear overview of the problems parents face, showing an understanding of the complexities involved.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a defined structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which provides a logical flow to your ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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