IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The graph show the participation of australian children in sports outside school hours in 2014. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main feautures and make comparisons where releavnt .

The graph show the participation of australian children in sports outside school hours in 2014. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main feautures and make comparisons where releavnt .
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The chart illustrates the sharing of Australian kids in different kinds of
sports
Use synonyms
 for boys and girls Which was held in the
students
Change noun form
student's
students'
show examples
 free time outside the school in 2014.
Overall
Linking Words
, It's clear that football
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 boys achieved the high share of 20% whilst netball
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 girls shows the lowest proportion of around 3% in terms of different
sports
Use synonyms
 for boys, football and swimming saw the highest rate among the
sports
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
( 20% and around 13% respectively) As opposed to baseball achieved nearly 15% and netball
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
the less share of
of
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
about 3% And when what to talk about
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
sports
Use synonyms
 for girls it's clear that netball was the highest kind of
Use synonyms
sports
Fix the agreement mistake
sport
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
almost 17%
also
Linking Words
 swimming attained about 16%. The lowest proportion of
sports
Use synonyms
 were basketball and football of near ( 12% and 4% respectively)

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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words sports with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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