Some people do not mind to spend their leisure time with their colleagues while some people prefer to keep their private life separate from their work life Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

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Many individuals enjoy
socialize
Wrong verb form
socialising
show examples
with their peers in their valuable free
time
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
others
Use synonyms
would like to spend their free
time
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lonely and keep themselves private. I think
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
we have to open
with
Change preposition
up with
show examples
others
Use synonyms
and share our feelings with each other . In
this
Linking Words
Essay ,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
will elaborate
both
Change preposition
on both
show examples
views and justify my view. Foremost , our level of stress
of
Change preposition
at
show examples
work
Use synonyms
is
reducing
Wrong verb form
reduced
show examples
by socializing with our colleagues and gives us
overall
Linking Words
job
satiafaction
Correct your spelling
satisfaction
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,spending leisure
time
Use synonyms
with partners can
also
Linking Words
facilitate networking
oppurtunities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
, potentially aiding career advancement and creating a supportive professional community.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
have
option
Change the article
the option
show examples
to gain more knowledge about different cultures, beliefs and languages.
Thirdly
Linking Words
, if we
constanlty
Correct your spelling
constantly
spend our free
time
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with our office mates ,it helps
to
Correct pronoun usage
us to
show examples
come out from depression.
For example
Linking Words
; one employee is new in
organisation
Correct article usage
the organisation
show examples
,
he
Correct word choice
and he
show examples
does not know about anything their new project , if they talk to their seniors
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
lunch
time
Use synonyms
,
he
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
will
able
Add a missing verb
be able
show examples
to do it .
Consequencly
Correct your spelling
Consequently
, his stress about his project may
reduce
Wrong verb form
be reduced
show examples
by talking with
others
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some people value their private
life
Use synonyms
and believe that
Use synonyms
work
Add a hyphen
work-life
show examples
life
Use synonyms
should be separate from their personal
life
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
way , they can maintain a healthy
work
Use synonyms
-
life
Use synonyms
balance.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they believe that their personal
time
Use synonyms
should be preserved for their family members and friends to keep good
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
with them .
Linking Words
At
Change preposition
In
show examples
the end but not least , ultimately choice
is depends
Change the verb form
depends
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upon the
individuals
Change to a genitive case
individual's
individuals'
show examples
preferences and
work
Use synonyms
culture. some
work
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companies encourage social interactions ,
whilw
Correct your spelling
while
others
Use synonyms
might respect
personal
Correct article usage
the personal
show examples
life
Use synonyms
of their employees.

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task achievement
Consider revising your introduction for clarity and grammatical accuracy. Replace phrases like 'keep themselves private' with 'spend time alone' to enhance comprehension.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the coherence of your arguments by providing clearer transitions between ideas and points. Use linking words to guide the reader through your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Be cautious with spelling and grammar. Ensure accuracy in terms like 'satisfaction,' 'opportunities,' 'constantly,' and 'while' to improve the overall readability of your essay.
content
You provide a balanced view by discussing both perspectives on socializing with colleagues and leading a private life.
content
You include relevant examples to support your points, which adds value and depth to your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • leisure time
  • colleagues
  • private life
  • work-life balance
  • job satisfaction
  • teamwork
  • networking opportunities
  • career advancement
  • professional community
  • personal time
  • fulfilling life
  • work-related stress
  • burnout
  • individual preferences
  • work culture
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