IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Women are better at childcare than men, therefore they should focus more on raising children and less on their work life. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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It is argued that children should be cared for primarily by their mothers, as moms are better at caring for kids.
However
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, I disagree with
this
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 notion and
this
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 essay will explore all the reasons with relevant examples in the following paragraphs. The first and foremost reason, both men and women need to earn
due to
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 inflation,
along with
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this
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, the majority of girls utilize their early years to acquire an education, and, everyone lives with the dreams of being employed and self-employed, so the suggestion of focusing more on nurturing the little one is like a take away their rights of work. I want to exemplify myself, I completed my academics not to acquire only good marks, but
also
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 to make the best career in an IT company, and after marriage, leaving the job and putting my all efforts into raising the youngsters will not be an option, I would rather expect equally from my husband.
Hence
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, foster mothers should not be only in charge of juveniles's nurture.
Secondly
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, fathers should
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
equally oversee the young ones, as children deserve the love and affection from both male and female parents,
as well as
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, only
Correct your spelling
biological
Correct article usage
a bilogical
show examples
bilogical
Correct your spelling
biological
 mother cannot show the love of dad and

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly outline your main points in the introduction to guide the reader through your argument. A clear thesis statement would strengthen your introduction.
coherence and cohesion
Consider providing a more detailed conclusion summarizing your arguments and reinforcing your stance on the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are quite lengthy and could benefit from being broken down for clarity. Aim for shorter, clearer sentences where possible.
task achievement
You present a clear disagreement with the statement and provide personal examples, which adds a personal touch to your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • inherent qualities
  • empathy
  • patience
  • nurturing abilities
  • social and historical context
  • primary caregivers
  • gender roles
  • gender equality
  • professional advancement
  • stigma
  • balanced approach
  • mental and emotional development
  • economic implications
  • gender pay gap
  • financial independence
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