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Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Some people argue that it is natural talents makes a sportsman famous. Other believe that it is hard work. Discuss both the view with your opinion.

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Introduction
It is argued that sportsmen
famous
Add a missing verb
are famous
show examples
 made
through
Change preposition
of
show examples
 natural
talents
Use synonyms
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
Some people argue that,
while
Linking Words
 others think
the
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
Use synonyms
work
Replace the word
working
show examples
 hard is
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 main effect of
famous
Add a missing verb
being famous
show examples
. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I am going to discuss both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
views.
Body paragraph 1
Firstly
Linking Words
, some people
argued
Wrong verb form
argue
show examples
 that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
natural
talents
Use synonyms
made
Wrong verb form
make
show examples
a sportsmen
Correct the article-noun agreement
sportsmen
a sportsman
show examples
 famous. To explain,
these category
Change the determiner
this category
these categories
show examples
 of people think a famous
create
Wrong verb form
created
show examples
 when
person
Add an article
a person
show examples
born
Add a missing verb
is born
show examples
.
For example
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,
messi
Change the capitalization
Messi
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 son is famous because his father
a
Add a missing verb
is a
show examples
famous player in the world.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, I totally agree
with
Change preposition
that
show examples
 hard
work
Use synonyms
 is a main effect of
famous
Replace the word
fame
show examples
. To clarify, the
researchs
Correct your spelling
research
 indicated
the
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
 skills grow through
work
Use synonyms
 hard.
For instance
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, famous
club
Fix the agreement mistake
clubs
show examples
 in the world depend on training their players before playing.
While
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,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
the
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 hard is
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 best way to reach
famous
Replace the word
fame
show examples
.
Conclusion
To summarize, the sportsman famous
make
Wrong verb form
made
show examples
 by hard
work
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
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,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the idea of natural
talents
Use synonyms
 is not a good method to
becomes
Wrong verb form
become
show examples
a
Change the article
apply
show examples
famous. After
Correct article usage
a through
show examples
through
Correct your spelling
thorough
show examples
 analysis
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
Linking Words
 subject, it is predicted
the
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
 natural
talents
Use synonyms
 grow
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
 hard
work
Use synonyms
.

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clarity
Improve clarity by using correct grammatical structures; avoid run-on sentences.
supporting examples
Provide more specific examples to support your points, as more detailed evidence will strengthen your argument.
cohesion
Make sure your ideas flow logically; use clearer transition phrases between points and paragraphs.
content
You've made a strong attempt to address both views and express your opinion, which is important in IELTS writing.
organization
The structure of your essay is recognizable, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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