IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some countries have introduced laws to limit working hours for employees. Why are these laws introduced? Do you think they are a positive or negative development?

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A few developed countries have implemented limited working
hours
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 for employees
due to
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detoriating
Correct your spelling
deteriorating
 health issues and
lack
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 of social interaction. I strongly agree that
this
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 is a positive development for workers. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss the positive impacts of reduced working
hours
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 and
reasons
Correct article usage
the reasons
show examples
 for
this
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law
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law's
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 implementation.
Firstly
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,
people
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 who
work
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 more than 8 to 10
hours
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in
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apply
show examples
a day are undergoing a lot of physical and mental health problems.
Moreover
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, their activities of daily living are affected.
For example
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, An IT employee who
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work
Change the verb form
works
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 more than 60
hours
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in
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apply
show examples
a week
are
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is
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 prone to neck and back pain issues because it requires demanding effort.
Additionally
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, Monthly
target
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targets
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 and
time
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 constraints place greater stress on mental health and lead to anxiety and depression.
Furthermore
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, sitting for prolonged
period
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periods
show examples
 in front of
screen
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a screen
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 causes eye damage in later
period
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periods
show examples
.
Due to
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time
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limitations
Add a comma
limitations,
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people
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 who
work
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 long
hours
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lack
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 social and family interactions.
Moreover
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,
family
Correct article usage
the family
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 members of that particular individual
lack
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 love and care
from
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apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
. A recent study from Annamalai University finds that most
people
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 working in Software industries are not attending social gatherings because of
lack
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 of interest. Spending most of the
time
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 alone causes social
neglegence
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negligence
 and isolation.
In addition
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 to that, most
people
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 experience anger issues
due to
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 increased workload. In conclusion, implementing limited working
hours
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 can significantly improve
physical
Add an article
the physical
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 and mental wellness of employees and improve their social interaction.
Moreover
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,
people
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 who
work
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long
Change the article
a long
show examples
time
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in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a day
experiences
Change the verb form
experience
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 a lot of physical and emotional disturbances so, reducing the working
hours
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 is a positive development.

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Grammar
Make sure to proofread your writing for minor grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement. For example, 'An IT employee who work' should be 'An IT employee who works'.
Coherence
Provide clearer transitions between ideas to enhance the logical flow of your essay. For instance, explicitly stating how your points relate can deepen the coherence.
Task Achievement
Include a more varied range of examples throughout your essay to support your points. This variety can strengthen your argument further.
Argument Development
You have a clear opinion on the topic and support it well overall, which is commendable.
Task Response
Your essay addresses both the reasons for implementing limited working hours and their positive impacts, which provides a fuller response to the question.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • 1. Burnout
  • 2. Work-life balance
  • 3. Productivity
  • 4. Diminishing returns
  • 5. Ethical responsibility
  • 6. Exploitation
  • 7. Fair labor practices
  • 8. Chronic illnesses
  • 9. Job creation
  • 10. Unemployment rates
What to do next:
Look at other essays: