IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that social media platforms have a negative impact on personal relationships, while others believe they help people stay connected. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Social networks are the main factor in connecting one individual with another. Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe
Correct article usage
the disavantages
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disavantages
Correct your spelling
disadvantages
 of private intercourse
was
Wrong verb form
are
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 influenced by social networks,
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however
Add a comma
however,
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 others consider
this
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 way
Fix the infinitive
to makes
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makes
Correct subject-verb agreement
make
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people
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maintaining
Wrong verb form
maintain
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
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.
To begin
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 with, social
media
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 can sometimes create distance in
relationships
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. Spending too much time online can make
people
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 less engaged in face-to-face interactions.
For example
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, many
people
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 focus on their phones
instead
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 of talking to family and friends during gatherings.
This
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 can weaken emotional connections and lead to misunderstandings since online chats lack the tone and body language of real conversations.
Furthermore
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, social
media
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 often presents an unrealistic picture of
people
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’s lives, which can lead to comparisons and dissatisfaction in real-life
relationships
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.
On the other hand
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, social
media
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 helps
people
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 stay in touch, especially when they are far apart. Thanks to technology, friends and family can communicate easily through messages, video calls, and social updates.
For instance
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, those living in different countries can share their daily lives and support each other despite the distance,
this
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circumstances
Change the determiner
circumstance
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was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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quiet
Correct your spelling
quite
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 different from what happened in the past
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 if in the first
people
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 used post station to
sent
Change the form of the verb
send
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 their messages but
nowdays
Correct the word
nowadays
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 everything
have
Change the verb form
has
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 been changed,
instead
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 of utilizes the mail we can use
smartphone
Add an article
a smartphone
the smartphone
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 to exchanging news. Social
media
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also
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 helps
people
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 reconnect with old friends and meet new ones, creating a sense of belonging. In conclusion,
while
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 social
media
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 can sometimes make
relationships
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 feel distant or unrealistic, it
also
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 allows
people
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 to stay connected across long distances. The key is to use it wisely by balancing online interactions with real-life communication to keep
relationships
Use synonyms
 meaningful and strong.

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task achievement
Consider rephrasing your introduction for clarity and fixing minor grammatical errors. For example, 'the disadvantages of personal interactions have been influenced by social networks.'
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that transitions between paragraphs are smoother to enhance flow. For instance, use phrases like 'In contrast' or 'Conversely' to better connect opposing views.
task achievement
Focus on developing your ideas further and providing more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. Also, review sentences for grammatical accuracy and clarity.
content
You presented both sides of the argument and provided a balanced perspective, which is commendable.
content
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points discussed in the essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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