IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is sometimes said that people should be encouraged to get married before they are 30, as this best both for individual and for society. Do you agree or disagree?

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Some
people
Use synonyms
 claim that it is better for both aspects
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 and society of
people
Use synonyms
 to get married not later than 30.
This
Linking Words
 essay disagrees with the statement.
This
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 essay will first discuss that young
people
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, in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most cases, don't have constant input and
then
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 will show that
people
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 under 30
usually
Add a missing verb
are usually
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 immature and
don't
Verb problem
are not
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 ready
for having
Change preposition
to have
show examples
children
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the young population haven't
sustanable
Correct your spelling
sustainable
occupation
Fix the agreement mistake
occupations
show examples
 and they tend to change their place of work. It means that the
poplutaion
Correct your spelling
population
 of 20-30 age
include
Correct subject-verb agreement
includes
show examples
people
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, who
was
Verb problem
have
show examples
 recently graduated, or
people
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, who
is
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are
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 still study at university, who can not
effort
Correct your spelling
afford to
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 spend money on other
people
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 except themselves
due to
Linking Words
Correct article usage
the steadily
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steadily
Change the word
steady
show examples
proccess
Correct your spelling
process
 of long-term job searching. The researchers from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Oxford University show the data which depicts that about 80% of the population in age under
the
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apply
show examples
30 tend to change their work location about three times a year.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, It would impact
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their ability to take care of
children
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.
Additionally
Linking Words
, young citizens often realise that they are not fully ready
for bringing
Change preposition
to bring
show examples
 up
of
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apply
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 and, based on
this
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, they are forced to face
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
many mental problems.
In other words
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,
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 that age
development
Correct article usage
the development
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 of
person
Correct article usage
a person
show examples
 continues and the person starts a new stage of their life, including:
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
 university, separation from parents,
money-realted
Correct your spelling
money-related
 trials, etc., which is full of the issues that must be solved during
this
Linking Words
 life stage.
However
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,
birth
Add an article
the birth
show examples
 of the
children
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 can cover that problem so they stay unsolved,
what
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 can lead to psychological problems like
deppression
Correct your spelling
depression
 or apathy.
For instance
Linking Words
, the survey
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 asked among 20-30 years old citizens, shows that every second mother
suffer
Change the verb form
suffers
show examples
 from depression and those
mohers
Correct your spelling
mothers
 share that it would be much better if they born
children
Use synonyms
 later. So
early
Correct article usage
the early
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 birth-giving
proccess
Correct your spelling
process
 requires maturity
amd
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and
small
Correct article usage
a small
show examples
 amount of other struggles. In conclusion,
people
Use synonyms
should'd
Unnecessary verb
should
show examples
 be encouraged to get
marry
Change the form of the verb
married
show examples
early
Rephrase
earlier
show examples
 than 30. Because they have no
possipilities
Correct your spelling
possibilities
 to look after the
children
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 and they can pay for them and
also
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 it can
leads
Change the verb form
lead
show examples
 to the different mental issues
due to
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 pressure of many responsibilities.

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task achievement
Clarify your main argument in the introduction. You can rewrite it to make it clearer that you fully disagree with the idea of getting married before 30.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to use proper transitions between ideas and paragraphs to enhance the flow of your essay. Phrases like 'Furthermore', 'In addition', and 'For example' can help with cohesion.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your topic sentences clearly state the main point of each paragraph and relate directly to your thesis to improve logical structure.
task achievement
You provide relevant reasons for your disagreement, which helps to support your opinion.
task achievement
The essay addresses potential issues related to early marriage and parenthood, showing understanding of the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Fertility
  • Maternal health
  • Psychological stability
  • Social maturity
  • Economic benefits
  • Shared responsibilities
  • Ancestral customs
  • Cultural imperatives
  • Personal development
  • Career establishment
  • Societal norms
  • Lifestyle choices
  • Divorce rates
  • Life decisions
  • Subjective wellbeing
What to do next:
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