some people say that professional workers such as doctors, nurse, and teachers, who make greater contribution to the society should be paid more than those people in the field of sports and entertainment. to what extent do you agree or disagree

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It is true that whether white-collar workers, athletes or entertainers, everyone needs money to fulfil their life dreams.
However
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, the question of who should get a good salary is a very debatable issue in society. From my perspective, professional workers deserve more pay despite the contribution of the film industry and sports in the entertainment sector.
Firstly
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, an individual who wants to be a doctor, nurse, or teacher spends most of his time studying and sacrifices his friends, family, and social life to achieve that goal. Apart from that, some even risk their life during emergency situations.
For instance
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, doctors and nurses worked 24 hours tirelessly without worrying about their lives during the pandemic a few years ago.
Moreover
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, medical practitioners do research in the medical sector, which is quite helpful for protecting humanity on the earth.
Additionally
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, every teacher has a deep knowledge of their field of study, and they can give the right direction to the upcoming generation by sharing it with them. A handsome salary can encourage them to work hard to contribute to the country's better future, as it is not an easy job and requires an intelligent person to become a teacher.
On the other hand
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, actors and sports play a crucial role in removing stress from our minds, but many entertainers get much more pay compared to their talent. In conclusion, I believe that professional workers not only have a responsibility to their families, but they
also
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serve society by providing service to them.

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task achievement
Consider providing one or two more relevant examples to strengthen your argument, particularly when discussing the contributions of professional workers and the entertainment industry.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use a wider range of linking words and phrases to improve the flow of your essay. This can help to connect your ideas more clearly.
task achievement
The introduction clearly states your viewpoint, providing a solid basis for the essay.
task achievement
You provided logical arguments and examples related to the contributions of professional workers, such as doctors and teachers, particularly during the pandemic.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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